New Year, New Shawn

Long time no blog...

So much has gone on in my life since the last time I blogged. Since I don't remember the last time I blogged I will just sum up my life as it stands right now.

Professionally: I've been the Production Manager at KSNV-TV for almost a year now. Personally: I've been engaged to the most beautiful, gorgeous, loving and intelligent woman I have ever met. Also working on becoming a first time home buyer.

My life it is a changing but I will be the first to admit sometimes the past influences the present.

The thing that makes me happiest right now is being engaged to Natalie Assadourian. She's an amazing woman and I know not only do I love her with all of my heart but I know she will make me finally realize that potential that I knew I had in me but I've never quite fully reached out and taken complete control of that potential. I now have a new motivation in my life though and it is her.

I used to wonder if there would ever be that person who would love me for me. Who would see through the shyness and soft heart and not only love it but embrace it. The purity of my heart and my soul sometimes seemed like it was a negative about me. I had gotten to the point where I had given up on finding someone. I was going to be the bachelor for life and it was either embrace that fact or find myself a miserably lost person. Well then that all changed for the better.

Another thing that makes me happy is that my friends were starting to settle down as well and either getting married or finding a long term relationship and they were happy. I keep wishing that all my friends are as happy as I am right now.

The only problem with my relationship is the distance. Long distance makes everything hurt that much more. It's hard because you can't just reach out and touch the person you love. You can't just look into their eyes and reassure them that everything is okay. You can't just give them a hug and build them back up. The only thing we have to bridge the gap of 3000 miles is our hearts, our souls, our words, our mental strength and our love. If it weren't for that we'd be done.

I've searched all my life for Natalie Assadourian but for the longest time I didn't know that it was her, I didn't know what she looked like, I didn't know her name, I didn't know where she was, I didn't know a whole hell of a lot... I just knew she was out there. Now that I've found her I look at others that I thought had potential to be the love of my life... boy was I wrong.

People are right, when you stop looking that's when true love finds you. I used to try and force myself to feel something for others just because I thought hey maybe it will all work out... Then with Miss Natalie it all came naturally. Finally I know what it's like to be madly, deeply, truly in love.

Now one of the things I have had to come to grips is that I'm no longer single. (excuse the profanity) The shit I used to get away with no longer flies. What may seem like I'm acting with the best of intentions is no longer cool. So I'm learning slowly and after taking some time to think it through that there are things that I have to change. Well guess what I'm not stuck in my ways and after watching enough Dr. Phil I have that voice ringing in my head of "how's that working for you?"... The answer to the question is it's not working so I drop it. Natalie is the most important thing to me along with my family and my job. So whatever I can do to help make our relationship even stronger than it is then I'm willing to do.

Speaking of strong relationships this is the best advice I will give to anyone willing to listen. You can't build a relationship with a weak foundation. I tried and it failed before and even though my friends told me I was wrong I didn't listen. I hope that thought resonates in people's heads that you have to have a strong foundation to weather any storm that hits your relationship.

I will not speak of my past because honestly giving words to the past feels like I'm giving it power in my life. It has no power anymore... The most powerful thing in my life is the love I have for my future wife Natalie Assadourian.

Another update in my life is me and my future wife planning for a wedding. I know that it will be the wedding of the century for most but for me it will be the wedding of a lifetime What I want is to invite the people that have meant the most to me in life to share the next step of my life. If I were a billionaire I'd invite everyone and their dog to it but instead it's going to be small and intimate. That means I invite the people that mean the most to me. The people that have brought out the best in me.

I am Shawn, I'm growing up, I'm changing for the better. Pretty soon I will be a husband, a father, a home owner, a boss and who knows what else... My life although I have struggled is pretty damn awesome now and once I get my future wife here I will be blowing the roof off this life.

I love you with all my heart Natalie Assadourian, I will never let anything come between us because for me you are PERFECT and I will always love you.