Thursday, January 13, 2011

Remembering Jen-9 years later

On January 12, 2002 I lost my best friend. 9 years later I still think about her all the time. I have said this time and again but I only knew her for 3 months but those were the best 3 months of my life.

I still remember that when Jennifer Hawkins started at KRTV Channel 3, I did my best to avoid talking to her at first. My natural shyness was in full effect at the time. She had just started working in her new town Great Falls, Montana after graduating from Ball State in Indianapolis, IN.

The start of her career was not the way she had pictured it, it was difficult and she was having to make an adjustment to life in a small town. In her first few days she was still working on making new friends and also dealing with having a flat tire in October in Montana.

I first started talking to her as I was walking with her to the studio to shoot ID's and the all important web photo. I made the comment that she had to be the quietest reporter I had ever met because she didn't say a word at first. She replied that I just didn't know her yet and if I did get to know her she would talk my ear off. She was right.

We eventually exchanged numbers and I told her to call my anytime she wanted to go to lunch or see a movie or whatever. I said I was always more than willing to do that. Literally the next day she called me and told me to take her to lunch! I loved it because up until that time I just stayed at home and played video games and watched movies. I never was one for going out and obviously never one to put himself out there.

The friendship always continued to grow from there, she told me that for the meals that we would do like they did in Indianapolis.... we'd take turns paying. So that's what we did and everytime she forgot who's turn it was, I'd always say oh it's my turn.

Our first lunch date was to Bert & Ernie's where after knowing me for all of 30 seconds she told me a secret about an activity that she had done that she knew would probably get her in a little hot water. I told her I would never tell anyone and I didn't. Even when everyone learned of it a month or so down the line. Great Falls is a small town and no secret can last for long there, but a bond made between two friends there can be made for an eternity.

I remember there was a week that I had taken off for vacation and we had made plans for me to come back to work and help her with stuff. Well then my sister and my boss got involved and I was told that I was not allowed to come to work when I was on vacation! Still though I snuck up to work only long enough to take Jennifer out to lunch. I believe Lost Woodsman was one of the places we went once or twice during that week. She loved that place.

She really worked hard to break me out of my shell and I definitely became a different person thanks to her. One of the lessons I still keep in my mind every day was the one she taught me about our co-worker Scott.

Scott was one of her friends and to me he was just a co-worker. Scott made my life as a director difficult with his late tapes and crazy rundowns. Well I used to hold on to the anger/frustration with him that I had and would never even give him the time of the day on a day to day basis. Jennifer told me one day that I really needed to give Scott another chance because he was a good guy and he wanted to be my friend. I just needed to give him another chance. Well I never really heeded those words until after she passed. It was at that point I gave Scott another chance or two, we actually even hung out once or twice. He was and is a good guy. The lesson Jen taught me was to give people a NEW chance every day. They may fail but at least you're being the better person and giving them the chance.

The last day I ever saw Jen was a day when we were at work and we had gone to lunch at Burger King of all places. I remember placing the order and she asked for her Whopper Jr. cut in half. I had never heard of this and questioned if you could really ask for that. She told me, yes because she used to work at a Burger King and it's your way right away.

The next day I went in to work, the weekend crew was all a buzz because there was a huge sandstorm on the highway between Showdown Ski resort and Great Falls. There was a 6 to 10 car pileup and the crew was excited for real news. We were trying to get in contact with our crew Dave Gerdrum and Jennifer because they wanted them to stop and get video of it. As I was walking past the newsroom I looked in and saw our news director Joel Lundstad on the phone and then he put his head in his hands.

I went in and he said, "we lost them"... I was confused and then he ellaborated and said that it was Dave & Jen that were killed in the accident. They were crushed between two semi trucks. After that I walked outside of the station and sang "Hero" by Mariah Carey for some reason. Jen was a big fan of Mariah Carey she actually used to sing it in the car. I never really figured out why I sang that song but I think it's because to this day she will always be my best friend and my hero.

I will never forget Jen and I'm happy to say I never had one negative memory of her. She was a great soul and I remember her parents telling me at her funeral how much she had started to love her job. She had thought she would never get it and was trying to figure out what else she could do. Well she came into her own and although not a lot of people won't remember her, she made a lasting impression on me, I will remember her and she'll be in my heart always.

I miss you Jen, I will never forget you.



The Accident Scene




Dave Gerdrum-Photographer



Jennifer (Hinderliter) Hawkins-Reporter

Here is the story as written by the Great Falls Tribune 1-13-02
Sunday, January 13, 2002

KRTV reporter, photographer die in 12-vehicle pileup near Belt
By SONJA LEE
Tribune Staff Writer


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A dust storm kicked up by Saturday's 50-plus-mph winds created brown-out conditions near Belt causing a 12-car pileup that killed two people and sent at least four people to the hospital with minor injuries.
KRTV television reporter Jennifer Hawkins, 22, and part-time KRTV photographer David Gerdrum, 48, were killed in the crash, which involved three eastbound and westbound semi-tractor trailers on Highway 87/89 about five miles west of Belt.

Bob Rosipal, Cascade County deputy sheriff's coroner said the accident occurred near the Enger cutoff around 1:20 p.m. when a westbound semi with Missouri license tags slowed down after a dust storm limited visibility to less than 10 feet. Directly behind, the KRTV Suburu Forester apparently was slowing down when it was was rear-ended and pushed into the semi by a second semi driven by Brett Likes of Idaho. At least six additional vehicles, including two trucks pulling horse trailers piled into the westbound truck.

Another accident occurred at the same time in the same stretch of road in the eastbound lane when a pickup truck slowed down because of the dust. A GMC Jimmy hit the pickup from behind and a third big rig barreling down the highway struck the eastbound traffic, Rosipal said. The Jimmy spun around into the westbound traffic, already snarled from the westbound string of accidents, and the pickup went off the road into a shallow ditch.

"It was tremendous. The scene was just a mess," said Rosipal, who has been with the department for the last nine years. "This was the worst accident I have ever been on."

The driver of the Jimmy and his passenger were taken to Benefis East and will be kept overnight for observation, he said. Likes suffered back and neck injuries and cuts and bruises. Likes was listed in fair condition at Benefis and kept overnight. Another unidentified woman involved in the westbound accident also was taken to Benefis with minor injuries.

No citations have issued and the accident still is under investigation by the Highway Patrol.

Firetrucks, ambulances and other rescue crews fought through limited visibility to reach the scene. Emergency personnel requested goggles as winds kicked up thick layers of black dust from a nearby field, where about 75 acres had burned in a fire last summer.

Rosipal said that the dust poured off of several nearby plowed fields, not just the burned area.

"My eyes are trashed," Rosipal said. "And even when we were coming back into Great Falls, it still looked like thunderstorms with all that wind and dirt."

Dirt drifted in behind the snow fence erected on a nearby field of stubble. The windstorm sent dry soil spinning into thick, rolling black clouds visible in Great Falls.

Eastbound traffic was rerouted at the Stockett-Sand Coulee turnoff to Highwood Road through Belt. Westbound traffic also was rerouted through Belt.

The road remained closed for about four hours.

KRTV News Director Joel Lundstad said Hawkins and Gerdrum were returning from a story they had been working on about Eagle Mount at Showdown Ski Area. Both were hard workers and had wonderful personalities that added greatly to the newsroom, he said.

"I don't think of these people as my employees; they were my family," he said.

KRTV opted not to broadcast a news program Saturday, but will resume the newscasts at 5:30 p.m. today, he said.

The wind in the Great Falls area hit its high Saturday -- 61 miles per hour at 12:59 p.m.

Don Herigon, who lives a little more than a mile away from the accident site, said he tried to take a four-wheeler toward the area, but because of the dust he was forced to turn around.

"The wind was terrible," he said. "I've never seen it like this up here."

Rick Becker wasn't home when the accident happened right in front of his property along U.S. Highway 87/89. Becker said he encountered the detours but was able to make his way back home on backroads.

"It looks like a mess out there," he said. "The dirt keeps blowing in, there are all the vehicles and the emergency lights."

Clay Sweeney, who also lives in the area, said there were miles of cars backed up from the scene. And he said he turned around and decided to stay home.

"The wind had to have been pushing 50 miles per hour," said Everett Bumgarner, who also lives in the area.

Skiers 65 miles away at the Showdown Ski area also felt an impact from the accident. Although the weather there didn't include high winds, the traffic snarl near Belt closed roads, stranding Great Falls skiers on the mountain.

"We handed out decks of cards to those who didn't want to ski anymore," said Margie Willette, a spokeswoman at the ski area.

By 4 p.m., Montana Highway Patrol advised the ski area that traffic could take the alternative route through Belt to return to Great Falls.

Although dust storms in the area aren't uncommon, a sudden brownout in January is rare, said Jim Brusda, a meteorologist with the National Weather Service office in Great Falls.

"There was just no snow cover anymore, and we are in the middle of a drought," Brusda said.

It was a sudden wave that moved through, he said.

The duration of the wind coupled with no moisture and above-freezing temperatures combined to create the conditions, according to the weather service. There has been only .02 inches of moisture this month.

Last summer high winds kicked up a white alkali dust storm, leading to a five-vehicle crash involving three semis and eight people near Sunburst.

The storm conditions with zero-visibility on Interstate 15 a half-mile south of Sunburst.

Monday, January 3, 2011

The 2011 Plan & Random Goals

Two days in and this year has already started off in an interesting way for me. There have already been new developments which of course I can’t disclose right now but I can honestly say my world will be changing in 2011, in ways I really hadn’t anticipated until now.

If you have read my blog in the past then you know I have been fighting the weight war for sometime now. Although I will admit when it came to the holiday season I just basically waved the white flag and gave into temptation.

Now as I start my first week of 2011 I will once again resolve to be better than I was before. This brings me to my first plan for 2011.

1. Run in the Ice Breaker Road Race in my hometown of Great Falls, MT.

I have never run 3 miles straight in my life and that’s the race I will be entering myself in. I have until April to be ready for it so if I can’t be ready by then, well lets just say that’s really sad. If I fail to be able to run it, I could at least walk it but I want to do something I’ve never done before in 2011 and that’s number one on the list. I also believe that if I can run 3 miles straight then the next part of my plan for 2011 will be easy.

2. See myself without the gut for the first time that I can remember.

I would absolutely love to see this goal accomplished by Summer. We all know how nice Vegas is in the Spring/Summer I’d like to fully enjoy it without having to worry about whether I look as good as I should. I have never seen myself skinny, it’s been a life long goal but I never put the work in like I should have. I know what I need to do and I’m looking to either have this goal completed early by the time this upcoming season of Biggest Loser is over or it will be complete before my friend Sarah Casey’s wedding in August.

By now you’ve probably figured out I’m not writing these as resolutions… To me resolutions always have the stigma of you say you’re going to do it but then after a week or two you give up and go back to what you were doing before. Well what I was doing before was not working for me and I want to be able to live my life to its fullest. So that’s why I’m stating in this blog this is my plan.

The final thing on my plan for 2011 is a simple concept.

3. Be better off financially at the start of 2012 then I was for the start of 2011.

I made some bad financial decisions in 2010, don’t need to elaborate too much into that. Simply enough friendship shouldn’t be financially beneficial for anyone if it is that’s not friendship, that’s a business relationship. My aunt said it best to me once, “I work too hard for my money just to give it a way.” I've taken that as some really good advice. I would never use someone for money, I’ve learned everyone is not like me.

Okay those 3 things are my plan for 2011. Those things I plan on accomplishing. The next list is random things I want to do or hope to do. I’m not feeling obligated to do it but I’d definitely like to try and do some of them or all of them in 2011. I've only written 25 but I'm sure I will have more random things to add as I think them up.

1. See the ocean
2. Make someone smile everyday
3. Have someone tell me I have inspired them
4. Not get the Nicole Wolf Robotham Award For I Can’t Take You Anywhere.
5. Don’t gamble a single dollar.
6. Limit fast food or ordering out of food to once a month max. (Except for in case of goal #7.)
7. Go to lunch/dinner with any friend who wants to occasionally.
8. Call the family more often.
9. Write a positive Twitter or Facebook message to someone everyday.
10. Have the motto “Fools Rush In” and remember that in life Baby Steps aren’t just for characters in the movie “What About Bob?”
11. Make sure to let friends & loved ones know how much they are appreciated.
12. Visit some place new.
13. Try and learn how to swim again.
14. Work on coordination and maybe some dance skills.
15. Work on being a little more social.
16. Read at least a book a month.
17. Watch a little less TV.
18. Get a new cell phone.
19. Consider buying a house and giving up the apartment life.
20. Hit at least a double in softball.
21. Don’t strike out during the softball season.
22. Care about others but always remember to put myself first.
23. Go out of my comfort zone once in a while.
24. Procrastinate a little less.
25. Keep Moving Forward.

Monday, November 1, 2010

The Power of Positivity

For the longest time I was one of those negative types. I never quite realized it until my sister asked me about it because she was getting e-mails & such asking if I was okay.

Well since then I started to make some changes in my life. I'm now in a much better place. Living a life that is pretty much drama free but tending to be a bit on the slow side as a result.

That's an okay side effect though, it's given me some time to take a step back and re-evaluate where my life is going. I've taken up the mantra that one friend posted "Re-Evaluate then Elevate."

The greatest thing that happened recently was going to a wedding in California for my friend & former co-worker Leslie Munro. The 6 hour drive to CA took me out of my comfort zone & took me to a new place I never had been before. I had a great time and met up with some old familiar faces. Sometimes you don't appreciate how great people are until they're gone. I also met some new faces and people I hope to keep in my life due to the fact that they are great, genuine, quality people. Those kind of people are sometimes hard to find in Las Vegas.

Another good thing I have done recently is making my Twitter account public (@shawndyke) & opening up my true personality to the world. I came to the decision that Twitter could be used to bring a little more positivity to the world. As a result I've reconnected with some old co-workers, made new random friends & even helped out a celebrity (Maria Menounos) stuck in Munich, Germany with an 8 hour layover.



It's an amazing forum and if used the right way can be a very powerful influence on people's lives. I know I personally love reading about what people are doing & commenting on it as well as encouraging people to realize they're true potential. I've also found inspiration from reading the tweets of others. One of my most recent inspirations was when I was having a "direct message" conversation with one of my former co-workers. In that online conversation we spoke more than we had in her entire time in Las Vegas. It's just amazing how online social networking can bring together people who would never meet in real life or people who had met and would just drift apart over time.

Today marks the first day of November and I have big plans for this month. There may not be a lot to write about as in going out partying & making a ton of memories. But this month is going to be remembered as a time when I push myself to the next level.

I have this natural talent for seeing the potential in others and for the longest time I knew that I had the potential to be someone better than I currently am. Now this month I'm going to do everything I can to tap into more of this potential and prove to the world that I'm not just talking the talk....I'll be walking the walk.

Big things are in the works for December. I'm hoping to debut a new & improved me. I'm coming out of my shell and going to take myself from being completely behind the scenes to quite possibly becoming a scene stealer!

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Powering Through...and the Inspiration of Friends

As I continue my little self evolution I've come to realize that last week I had a weekend where I probably came close to rock bottom for a little while there.

The thing that had started was all that previous week I had been working out after work, I had kept on seeing results of losing a little bit here & there. Well then on Saturday morning I got on the scale & saw that I had regained it all somehow. Now I've watched on Biggest Loser & have seen that sometimes your body will do that where for whatever reason it will just retain some weight.

Well instead of thinking about that & staying positive I just took the weekend & treated myself like crap. The coup de grace was mixing a combo of 3 Monster Drinks & probably about a half or more of a bottle of Grey Goose Vodka. It was fun for awhile but then after all was said & done I realized that I had just made myself self destruct once more.

So as I started this past Monday I made the decision until the day of October 15th rolls around I'm no longer drinking alcohol, energy drinks or Starbucks. The reason for this is that alcohol never really solves any problem but only goes to create more for me. I usually only drink while being a social creature but even then drinking like a crazy person usually leads me to eat a bunch of garbage that I don't really need. As for the energy drinks & Starbucks, it came down to the calories... I can't justify putting 200-400 calories in my body on a daily basis unneccesarily. It's really counter productive.

So this whole week I've been free of all 3 for the first time in I don't know how long. I've managed to take off about 4 pounds & I'm making progress at the gym so that's all that matters to me right now.

The other thing I'm going to start working on is trying to be a much more positive person... I've watched enough TV lately & I started to realize that people that are negative really annoy me & I will change the channel and try to keep them out of my life. Just like I had to end one "friendship" in the past week. I had to explain to the person that she's a great person but just not great for me. Reason being every time I talked to her she was complaining about something, whether it was work, her husband, her family or her general life situation. Now I understand that we all have our points in life when we are down, trust me I know I've written more than my fair share of those things but at some point you have to say enough is enough & find the positive in your life.

So as I've said before I'm inspired by my friends... One of my friends has a b/f that's currently deployed to Afghanistan for a year. But every time I talk to her & every time I see her she's a very out going & up beat person. Yeah every once in a while she has moments when she misses him but I think that's only to be expected.

Another friend was put on a shift where she never saw her husband but after a discussion about how they could make it work she seems to be happy now or at least doing her best to make it work.

One of my other friends always comes to work and he's extremely positive & in fact his whole family is positive. They have to be 3 of the greatest people I have ever met and each one individually is special enough to light up a room. I love it though when you get all 3 of them together because they blow the roof off a place.

One of my friends moved from Vegas to Florida & is now headed off to my hometown of Great Falls, Montana. She told me about the fact that at one point she didn't treat herself well but now she's moving on with her life & taking it in a new positive direction and I couldn't be happier for her.

Another friend, well I call her a friend, technically I'm just a follower of hers on Twitter but she's a friend of a friend and as they say, any friend of yours is a friend of mine! She had a really rough week but in the end she spent time with some of her great friends & she's bounced back perfectly fine.

That's what we all need to do. Just surround ourselves with the best people, people that are positive and want to see us succeed just as much as they want themselves to succeed. People that don't use you & abuse you but push you & inspire you. Yet when you feel like you're falling down they're there to grab your hand & lift you back up to where you need to be.

Those were just a few of my great friends stories. I know I probably don't tell them enough how much I appreciate each & everyone of them but I truly do.

Everyone has a story but how many of those stories are mostly positive? My story has had it's ups & downs but I'm working hard to make myself like my great friends who just see the best in everything. That's why I'm always there for all of my friends as much as I can be and the friends of friends on occasion. But even I have to have my limits & know that I can't help everyone, some people just need to figure things out for themselves. You can point them in the right direction but it's their choice if they want to go that way.

Negativity is like an anchor, either you need to just pull it up and start your ship moving on a new adventure or you can continue to let it drag you down and hold you back.

Well I say "Anchors aweigh!" This adventure, this chapter of my life has just begun. I'm excited for what the future will bring even though I'm not quite sure what that will be!

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Self Ultimatum: Put Up or Shut Up

This is my blog update to make it known publically what I've been letting people know privately.

I've thought about it, I've talked about it & I've written about it.... Well now it's time for me to put up or shut up. By the end of this year at the least I will weigh under 200 pounds for the first time since I don't know when. My real goal will be to be between 180 & 190 by the end of the year.

If I'm not below 200 pounds by the end of the year though I might be thinking about it, but I won't be talking about it or writing about it anymore. Eventually a person starts to sound like a broken record repeating the same thing over & over and not doing anything about it.

I've made an ultimatum with myself to get this done by the end of the year. I can only watch myself self destruct for so long.

Since I have made the ultimatum about not talking about it if I fail, I'm going to say that I will not fail. I'm not saying what I normally say, "I don't plan on failing" or "I'm going to do my best to not fail." I'm saying I won't fail. I know I can do this & I know with perseverence I can do it.

I just got done with my first post work workout & this is only the first of many more to come. I know what has caused me to fail in the past & I will not let those things be an excuse for me failing again.

Anyways this is a brief blog but I just wanted everyone to know where I stand right now. I'm not the best of gamblers so take this betting advice with a grain of salt. I'd say put money on me completing the goal because I haven't been this determined to do anything before...

Day 1 of Putting Up or Shutting Up: COMPLETE

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Breaking Down & Rebuilding Me

My last blog detailed me getting back on the fitness wagon & taking control back in my life. Well I can safely say that I have missed the wagon.

Things haven't been going the way I planned. This past Thursday at work, I had what I'm calling a mental breakdown. The stresses that have been a part of my life both personally & professionally finally took their toll & I just had all I could take. I honestly came about 30 seconds from vocalizing the thought that was in my head which was simply... "I quit..."

Thankfully those words weren't ever stated and nothing of the sort like that happened. Some people noticed on Thursday & Friday that I wasn't doing so well, some others either didn't notice or didn't care.

Life lately is being put in perspective for me. Some of the problems I have been having, have the simplest solutions yet I can't seem to follow through with it right now. I know what my problem is, my problem is this... I'm a people pleaser, I'd rather not start an argument because I'm probably the least confrontational person in the world. I care more about others feelings then I do about my own. I'd rather not start a fight because I'd rather people just be happy and not think badly of me.

I keep a lot of things bottled up, I'd rather not bother anyone about my problems. Then sometimes I address my problems with everyone except for the person I should truly address with the problem. For the past 31 years, I've been pretty good about solving my own problems... I'm in the process now of solving my own problems once more...

I'm taking this weekend, just relaxing at my apartment and reminding myself of who I want to be. This is going to be a process, it won't be solved in one night, one weekend or even probably a week. It will take a while and I have to realize that, nothing great happens over night.

One day soon I'm going to start chasing the dream again, I'm not 100% sure what that dream is or who it will involve. I just know for now I need to just concentrate on me, my family & having the people in my life that are best for me. Just because you have 184 friends on Facebook doesn't really mean they'll be there for you if you needed them. I honestly would try & be there for everyone of them and expect nothing in return.

That is another one of my problems, my generosity... If I constantly am doubting whether people are true friends or if they're just taking advantage of my generous nature then I need to just learn it's time to say no, good bye, hope you have a great life.

A line that keeps going through my head lately is Dr Phil's famous quote of: "How's that working for you?"

Well there have definitely been some things in my life that haven't really been working for me, yet I continue to allow them to keep happening. Confrontation is a part of life & I can't continue to avoid it because bottling it all up for too long eventually leads to it exploding and destroying everything I worked so hard to build.

I will rebuild me, I will make me stronger... That that doesn't kill me will only make me stronger... Change is a part of my life & I need to really make a change in my life. I've talked the talk, now it's up to me & only me to walk the walk.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

30 Days, 30 Nights

There's only so long that you can live on the glory of past accomplishments. Last year at this time I was on a journey to lose some major weight. I was able to drop about 40 pounds.

Since then I fell back on to old habits and gained some of the weight back. About 10-15 pounds I put back on over the course of the year. The funny thing was this past week some co-workers commented to me about how much weight I had lost.

It was funny in that I hadn't had anyone comment on that in awhile... The last time was when I saw my family again and they definitely noticed a big change in me. I definitely haven't felt like I did anything to lose weight in a long time though.

Well the time has come to again put up or shut up. I can't keep on living on the past glory, it's time to get back to completing that goal I started a year & a half ago.

The goal is simple to drop the rest of the weight I had been meaning to drop but I'm going to set the time frame to only 30 days.

In 30 days, my friends/co-workers Matt & Eddie are having their yearly birthday party. Last year I remember it being a special time since a lot of people noticed that I had made a big change in my life. I currently weigh about the same amount as I did last year for the birthday party last year.

So for the next 30 days I will be giving up the party life, unless it's for a legitimate reason like a best friends birthday. I'm going to layoff the sweets and the junk food and begin once again to truly realize my potential.

I write this blog so that I can be held accountable. This has been a goal that I have wanted to accomplish for a long time and it's time I put in the work to finish it. My friends watched me start this journey last year & this year I'm going to do everything in my power to complete it.

The journey won't be easy to complete but it is a necessary journey to complete...

Starting tomorrow night after work my journey begins again.... 30 days to go....