Falling off the wagon

So it's been a while since I've blogged and right now it's looking like I'm not going to reach my goal. I don't like being negative but last night I did feel the negative thoughts coming on.

I think part of it was the fact that this weekend, feeling that I needed to go out and get out of the apartment I unfortunately went out and started taking in alcohol again. I am so one of those people that I have to fall hard sometimes before I realize that I really need to stop making those decisions.

So I have about 60 days to go on my goal. I don't think I'm going to hit the 30 lbs but I think I may have refound my inspiration.

Lets start by saying I watched and practiced a little bit with the Channel 3 softball team on Sunday morning. I think we are just going to have one team and with that said I think I will not be playing. This team is awesome and for someone who is not playing at the high caliber that all of them are playing leads me to believe that I will just keep the books and enjoy my time on the bench.

With this said this will not deter me from doing what I can to get into shape. The inspiration I found today was going online on Facebook and looking at the pictures of the people from my high school class. Amazingly I saw a picture of one of the star athletes from high school who looks bigger and heavier than I am. I also saw many of the girls, most of which are now, married who look nothing like what they used to. They've put on a lot of weight although its hard to tell some of them could have just had a kid.

I realized that for me when people see me and say you haven't changed a bit that isn't a bad thing. I also today woke up a bit early and was watching the today show. I saw a man who lost 136 lbs in a year and a half. He was only 19 but if he can do it then I believe I can.

I may not play softball regularly this year but I'm going to continue to get into shape and if there is ever a time that I'm desperately needed on the team then I will promote myself from the minors otherwise this year I'm going to be a fan. I'm not quitting the team, I'm just going to do what's best for the team and allow the best players to do what they do best. WIN!

Meanwhile I'm going to start setting myself up to do the best that I can and also to work up more situations where I can see my self succeeding and not put myself in situations that I know I will fail. I can be better, I can do better.... I will be better!