So it just hit me moments ago that today was the last day that I will be 30 years old. In approximately 10 1/2 hours I will be the big 31.
This has been an amazing year for me, looking back quickly it started on an uncomfortable note as I had thought I was going to have the biggest gathering ever at the VooDoo Lounge as I turned the big 30. Things didn't go exactly as I planned and it was probably for the best because it set about major changes in my life.
I learned that there are only a select few that you can truly depend on in life. The one person that you can only predict and depend on is yourself. You can't wait for anyone else to make you in to a better person so you have to do that for yourself.
So about 3 months later I got the news that my friend Nicole wanted me to be in her wedding. Knowing that her husband was in my mind a toothpick and I figured I didn't want to be the biggest groomsman I started on this plan to lose 30 pounds in 100 days. In the end I failed at losing all the weight but it was the start of something great.
9 months later, I am now 40 pounds lighter than when I started out in 2009. I still have about 25 more pounds I would love to lose and lately I have fallen off the wagon a bit. I plan on starting again on the day I turn 31.
My professional life has seen the best of times and the worst of times. I have enjoyed great success as the Evening Supervisor at KVBC-TV. Unfortunately due to a very tough and turbulent economy the worst of times has meant watching a lot of great friends leave and move on to other things. This past week was probably one of the worst ones that I have ever experienced in my professional life. Watching as layoffs have taken some of the best people out of their positions and sent them to the unemployment line has been extremely difficult. I always do firmly believe that people will move on to bigger and better things though.
As for me I have become a lot more positive of a person. It is funny because occasionally this year people have referred to me as being an inspiration to them. I used to always go and seek out inspiration from others but in the end I found that I could truly inspire myself.
I will always remember one person in high school referring to me as having a big heart and to never change that about me. I have learned this year to let that big heart out a little bit more and to show it off whenever I get the chance.
As a result I have met someone who in the past month has changed a lot of my previously held opinions on the world. She has opened my eyes and opened up my heart and now I'm just dreaming big about the future. Amazing how for so long I thought I was going to be the bachelor for life and now I'm seeing that there might be potential to change that theory about myself.
A lot of things have changed for me in my 30th year of existance on this Earth... I am curious about what the end of my 31st will be like but as of right now as I start my 31st year living I believe I'm finally starting to do that.... Live!
My goals for my 31st year will be the following:
1) Drop the rest of the weight and finally discover what I look like with a 6 pack.
2) Keep the heart open to new and exciting things and don't let the negativity consume me like it has others.
3) Continue to make progress with my career, develop new working relationships and strive to make everyone I work with the best they can be.
4) Be better about being in touch with friends and work hard at continuing to inspire them to strive for their full potential.
5) Be as happy at the end of my 31st as I am right now at the end of my 30th.
Monday, August 31, 2009
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Sipping on the Hater-ade
It is simply amazing to me how many people in this world just seem to be completely consumed by hatred. It's one thing to hate someone if they have completely wronged you and did something that is completely unforgiveable. It is a completely different thing when people are just jealous, envious, petty, narcisistic or extremely childish.
I consider myself a person that is fairly likeable and generally easy to get along with. I'm a very generous person when it comes to giving what I have whether it be financial, physical or mental. Even though I have these qualities I still find myself the victims of the haters.
There was a time when it would actually bother me but I have had to learn that no matter who you are you will have someone that hates you. No matter what you do you can't please everyone.
So just to give some of the haters some love I figured I should write about a couple of my favorites in no particular order...
Former co-workers... My friend Sarah went to work in my home city and at one point she happened to run across some production types from my old station. She mentioned to them that I used to work there and the mention of my name wasn't well received. When she told me that, I was honestly shocked but in the end quite entertained. When I left I think I was the last of a string of great directors that worked at the station. I can't say I know all of the previous ones but one was definitely James Rafferty, he changed a lot of things at KRTV and made the newscasts a lot better looking then they had been previously. Next up was the person who I will always consider the best there is, the best there was, the best there ever will be when it comes to directing my sister--Angela (Dyke) Berrett. She taught me so much at my first job and taught me about having a passion for the job. If it weren't for my sister then I would never have started working in TV. Finally I was the last... When my sister left I took on a lot of responsibilities at the station. For my newscasts, I would build graphics, edit, pre-produce, type CG's, run audio, switch, operate a still store, operate a DVE or two as well as direct. I also was in charge of the website, handled scheduling, helped train new reporters/anchors and the list probably could still go on... The reason that there are people that hate me is because towards the end of my run I wanted to pass on what I knew to anyone willing to learn. Well I found that there was only one person that wanted to learn so I taught him what I could. There was a lot to do and I think when I left they wanted to hold him to the same standard that I had attained when I left. Well things didn't work out well for this man and he went back to his old TV station and chose to be a master control operator instead of a director. So I have to assume that the next poor souls who came up the line really had pressure on them and when they didn't even know half of what I knew because they didn't choose to learn, there world came crumbling down on them. I'm sure when you hear enough times "James Rafferty did this...." "Angela Berrett did this...." "Shawn Dyke did this..." It gets to the point where you start to hate the names simply being mentioned.
The thing that made me happy was even after all the hating, I went into the station to visit some of my former co-workers, there were only a few there but when I stopped in the new News Director who I had never met stopped me and said, "You must be Shawn Dyke." I was shocked that he would actually know my name and he said that he had heard great things about me. I didn't bother to visit my old co-workers in News Production but I realized at that time that I had attained the status that I never thought could be attained when I worked there. I had become a legend of KRTV just like James Rafferty and my sister.
Legends are loved by some and hated by others... History is written by the victorious and knowing that I had become remembered as a great one back there meant that I was indeed victorious. If only they had a shirt that said "KRTV Legend, I came, I directed, I conquered and I moved on...."
Former friend hater.... I still have a strong part of me that doesn't want to make people mad but I had to learn that some people no matter what you do just are going to hate you. One of the current haters is a former great friend. When I first met him I was very similar to him, both of us were quiet and we were more than content just to follow the leader. We both had similar body types and there was no free party that wasn't a good party. Then this year I started making some changes in my life. I started to grow up and realize that in order to be a happy person I had to start putting the work in and not just waiting for something/someone special to fall into my lap. I started to become my own person and when I noticed my friend being left behind I tried to help motivate him to get on my band wagon and move his life forward. Instead he decided that he did not want to change and would rather do things in life that I felt would just make me into a miserable person. I moved on, he stayed behind... He said some harsh words to say to me and I just left it at that... I figure when someone has that much hate for a person just let them be... They've turned to the darkside, it's best that you leave them be rather than being sucked down with them...
Current hater number two, one of my current co-workers... I won't say much about this one because it is after all about a current co-worker. Needless to say I don't know what I did to make this person so mad besides sticking up for my production staff and also sticking up for my friends that I felt this person was taking advantage of. Being a generous person as I previously mentioned, I recognize perhaps a lot easier when one of my very generous friends is being taken advantage of. Anyways this person does not speak to me and makes it a point to speak to everyone around me rather than even acknowledging my presence. I did my best to make small talk and heal the rift between us but to no avail. Now I just will let it be, I'm not putting in any more effort. Sometimes when there are problems with people you work with you just have to come in and do the job, act professionally and go home. If you asked me how I honestly felt about this person I would say I really have nothing against the person, I just won't open myself up for more negativity from them.
Those are just a couple of examples of the haters in my world.... I'm sure there are others. The funny thing is there are so few people that hate me that I wonder why I even spend any of my time thinking about them... I think at most there might be 5-10 people that hate me.
Now looking at just my friends on Facebook there are about 160 of them and I have a lot of friends that aren't on Facebook. So in the end the haters represent less than 5% of the people I know in life.... Yet another reason not to give them that much thought.
I feel that I'm a good friend, I believe that I always do my best to cheer people up, offer words of wisdom to them, and be there whenever a friend needs me. There are a lot of great people in my life and to all the haters out there this was your 10 minutes of fame in my life.
I choose to dedicate my time and my life to being the great person I have always endeavored to be. I will continue to live my life by a higher standard, and I know that I don't have time to dwell on the negativity.... After all is said and done I want my life to be summed up by a couple of phrases, one of which should be... "Liked by some, hated by few, loved by most, respected by all...."
....Haters of the world, how do you want to be remembered? As a childish, immature, jealous, envious, petty, narcisistic person.... or will you find a way to re-deem yourself and grow up a little bit?
I consider myself a person that is fairly likeable and generally easy to get along with. I'm a very generous person when it comes to giving what I have whether it be financial, physical or mental. Even though I have these qualities I still find myself the victims of the haters.
There was a time when it would actually bother me but I have had to learn that no matter who you are you will have someone that hates you. No matter what you do you can't please everyone.
So just to give some of the haters some love I figured I should write about a couple of my favorites in no particular order...
Former co-workers... My friend Sarah went to work in my home city and at one point she happened to run across some production types from my old station. She mentioned to them that I used to work there and the mention of my name wasn't well received. When she told me that, I was honestly shocked but in the end quite entertained. When I left I think I was the last of a string of great directors that worked at the station. I can't say I know all of the previous ones but one was definitely James Rafferty, he changed a lot of things at KRTV and made the newscasts a lot better looking then they had been previously. Next up was the person who I will always consider the best there is, the best there was, the best there ever will be when it comes to directing my sister--Angela (Dyke) Berrett. She taught me so much at my first job and taught me about having a passion for the job. If it weren't for my sister then I would never have started working in TV. Finally I was the last... When my sister left I took on a lot of responsibilities at the station. For my newscasts, I would build graphics, edit, pre-produce, type CG's, run audio, switch, operate a still store, operate a DVE or two as well as direct. I also was in charge of the website, handled scheduling, helped train new reporters/anchors and the list probably could still go on... The reason that there are people that hate me is because towards the end of my run I wanted to pass on what I knew to anyone willing to learn. Well I found that there was only one person that wanted to learn so I taught him what I could. There was a lot to do and I think when I left they wanted to hold him to the same standard that I had attained when I left. Well things didn't work out well for this man and he went back to his old TV station and chose to be a master control operator instead of a director. So I have to assume that the next poor souls who came up the line really had pressure on them and when they didn't even know half of what I knew because they didn't choose to learn, there world came crumbling down on them. I'm sure when you hear enough times "James Rafferty did this...." "Angela Berrett did this...." "Shawn Dyke did this..." It gets to the point where you start to hate the names simply being mentioned.
The thing that made me happy was even after all the hating, I went into the station to visit some of my former co-workers, there were only a few there but when I stopped in the new News Director who I had never met stopped me and said, "You must be Shawn Dyke." I was shocked that he would actually know my name and he said that he had heard great things about me. I didn't bother to visit my old co-workers in News Production but I realized at that time that I had attained the status that I never thought could be attained when I worked there. I had become a legend of KRTV just like James Rafferty and my sister.
Legends are loved by some and hated by others... History is written by the victorious and knowing that I had become remembered as a great one back there meant that I was indeed victorious. If only they had a shirt that said "KRTV Legend, I came, I directed, I conquered and I moved on...."
Former friend hater.... I still have a strong part of me that doesn't want to make people mad but I had to learn that some people no matter what you do just are going to hate you. One of the current haters is a former great friend. When I first met him I was very similar to him, both of us were quiet and we were more than content just to follow the leader. We both had similar body types and there was no free party that wasn't a good party. Then this year I started making some changes in my life. I started to grow up and realize that in order to be a happy person I had to start putting the work in and not just waiting for something/someone special to fall into my lap. I started to become my own person and when I noticed my friend being left behind I tried to help motivate him to get on my band wagon and move his life forward. Instead he decided that he did not want to change and would rather do things in life that I felt would just make me into a miserable person. I moved on, he stayed behind... He said some harsh words to say to me and I just left it at that... I figure when someone has that much hate for a person just let them be... They've turned to the darkside, it's best that you leave them be rather than being sucked down with them...
Current hater number two, one of my current co-workers... I won't say much about this one because it is after all about a current co-worker. Needless to say I don't know what I did to make this person so mad besides sticking up for my production staff and also sticking up for my friends that I felt this person was taking advantage of. Being a generous person as I previously mentioned, I recognize perhaps a lot easier when one of my very generous friends is being taken advantage of. Anyways this person does not speak to me and makes it a point to speak to everyone around me rather than even acknowledging my presence. I did my best to make small talk and heal the rift between us but to no avail. Now I just will let it be, I'm not putting in any more effort. Sometimes when there are problems with people you work with you just have to come in and do the job, act professionally and go home. If you asked me how I honestly felt about this person I would say I really have nothing against the person, I just won't open myself up for more negativity from them.
Those are just a couple of examples of the haters in my world.... I'm sure there are others. The funny thing is there are so few people that hate me that I wonder why I even spend any of my time thinking about them... I think at most there might be 5-10 people that hate me.
Now looking at just my friends on Facebook there are about 160 of them and I have a lot of friends that aren't on Facebook. So in the end the haters represent less than 5% of the people I know in life.... Yet another reason not to give them that much thought.
I feel that I'm a good friend, I believe that I always do my best to cheer people up, offer words of wisdom to them, and be there whenever a friend needs me. There are a lot of great people in my life and to all the haters out there this was your 10 minutes of fame in my life.
I choose to dedicate my time and my life to being the great person I have always endeavored to be. I will continue to live my life by a higher standard, and I know that I don't have time to dwell on the negativity.... After all is said and done I want my life to be summed up by a couple of phrases, one of which should be... "Liked by some, hated by few, loved by most, respected by all...."
....Haters of the world, how do you want to be remembered? As a childish, immature, jealous, envious, petty, narcisistic person.... or will you find a way to re-deem yourself and grow up a little bit?
Monday, August 17, 2009
Vegas: It Will Make You Or Break You
Back by popular demand, or just the request of one person is my blog... Trust me I have had a lot to write about but just haven't taken the time to sit down and do.
I have been wanting to write about this topic for quite some time now... I've been here in Las Vegas for almost 4 years now. In that time I have seen a lot of people come and go, a lot of people have come here with great expectations only to be chewed up and spit out by Sin City. Yes, Las Vegas has it's share of success stories, high rollers and people who have lived out their dreams here...but for each of those there are even more people who are barely getting by, living pay check to pay check and have watched their dreams crumble right before their very own eyes.
For me I see Las Vegas as a beautiful skyline, great weather and if you look very hard and keep searching eventually you can find some really great people. This is a very tough town to meet people though. A lot of women come in looking for sugar daddies, to have everything bought and paid for them and for them to always be treated like celebrities who can party all week long and not have to worry about paying for any of it. For a lot of guys they are just looking for a one night hookup, moving through women like a kid mows through candy at a candy store.
Each of these kind of men & women are what makes Las Vegas bad... It seems like every nice girl I have met has had a bad experience with a previously mentioned "hit it and then split it" guy and every nice guy has had an experience with a girl that "ain't nothing but a gold digger"... I would refer to this as the darkside of Las Vegas and it seems like most of the good people that come to Vegas either get turned to the darkside or they just can't take it anymore and finally leave. There are also some that just lose their faith that there are nice people to be found in Las Vegas and just become people that live their life on auto pilot just trying to get by and hope that eventually something will come into their life and change it all.
I have recently discovered a really great girl in one of the last places I would ever go looking for a serious relationship. She works in the club/nightlife scene here in Las Vegas and it's amazing how much you can learn about the city you live in through someone elses eyes. I never realized how shunned you can be by identifying yourself as a local here in Las Vegas. The reason being because locals tend to be the biggest cheap asses who don't treat the servers well and come in with a certain disillusionment about the world. Tourists are actually looked upon more favorably in some situations due to them throwing money around just to have a one weekend experience that they can remember for a lifetime.
Anyways about the girl, I truly believe this girl is a diamond in the rough in this city... From what I can tell she has been chewed a bit by the city and by life but still she perseveres. As one friend wrote recently on Twitter: "I do not think there is any other quality so essential to success of any kind as the quality of perseverence." My girl, as I call her, has definitely persevered... She keeps a sense of class and elegance about her while still being a down to earth girl...she puts herself last a lot of times thinking mainly about everyone else and looking out for her friends and her family before worrying about herself. She truly strikes me as a person that is just like me and someone I hope to get to know even better as the days and weeks progress. I also believe she might be the most special person I have ever met.
I have not quite figured out if Las Vegas has made me or broke me yet... I just know that I have a great job, I have great friends, I have had great experiences and I have lost about 40 pounds so far in this city. I see the potential for great success in this city by me just remembering where I came from and what brought me to this place in my life.
That is the secret to my success, remembering where you came from, who you truly are and what you want your life to be. Do not ever lose track of those things or you will lose yourself in the Las Vegas life.
Another secret that will work for anyone is always make sure you only surround yourself with people that are good for you. I think of my friends as like an onion, the outer layers could be peeled an discarded and are no big deal. At the heart of the onion is me and my closest friends. On the far outside are the acquaintances/people that don't mean that much to me. A little further in are the people that I talk to on occasion but it doesn't count for much. Further in more you start to find the people that I care about and respect. As you get closer to the center you find the people that are always in my thoughts and prayers. The ring right outside of the center are the people that inspire me, motivate me and make the person that I am. They define me and I would do anything I possibly could to help them out when they need it. They are the people that I trust and I hope will always trust in me.
For me I let people in fairly close to the center easily when I first meet them... I want people to know who I really am at heart and not a fake person... What they choose to do with that status in my life is completely up to them. I have just definitely learned that when relationships turn toxic you definitely need to figure out if this friendship/relationship is worth saving or if it's just time for you to kick them out of your life and move on. I have always been a person that wants everyone to like me but recently I have had to learn that you need to just let people move on and figure out for themselves who they are.
This blog and my life is dedicated to the people at the center of my world, my best friends and the people that mean the most to me.... Just in case they don't know who they are here is a short list of those I hold closest to me not including family... Michael, Jeff, Kendra, Chi, Nicole, Casey, Courtney, Sarah, Dawn, Kristine, Megan, Rebecca, Sobeyda, Cindy, and Carrie. Thank you to the above mentioned people for being a part of my life and helping me to be the person that I am today. It is all of your combined greatness that inspires me and motivates me everyday to be the best. I am who I am because of the people that I have met in my life and I will always hold each and every one of you close to my heart....
This is why I think my life will be a success here in Las Vegas but it won't make me or break me because I will always have the memories and the friendship of the above mentioned people in my heart....
I can never thank you all enough!
I have been wanting to write about this topic for quite some time now... I've been here in Las Vegas for almost 4 years now. In that time I have seen a lot of people come and go, a lot of people have come here with great expectations only to be chewed up and spit out by Sin City. Yes, Las Vegas has it's share of success stories, high rollers and people who have lived out their dreams here...but for each of those there are even more people who are barely getting by, living pay check to pay check and have watched their dreams crumble right before their very own eyes.
For me I see Las Vegas as a beautiful skyline, great weather and if you look very hard and keep searching eventually you can find some really great people. This is a very tough town to meet people though. A lot of women come in looking for sugar daddies, to have everything bought and paid for them and for them to always be treated like celebrities who can party all week long and not have to worry about paying for any of it. For a lot of guys they are just looking for a one night hookup, moving through women like a kid mows through candy at a candy store.
Each of these kind of men & women are what makes Las Vegas bad... It seems like every nice girl I have met has had a bad experience with a previously mentioned "hit it and then split it" guy and every nice guy has had an experience with a girl that "ain't nothing but a gold digger"... I would refer to this as the darkside of Las Vegas and it seems like most of the good people that come to Vegas either get turned to the darkside or they just can't take it anymore and finally leave. There are also some that just lose their faith that there are nice people to be found in Las Vegas and just become people that live their life on auto pilot just trying to get by and hope that eventually something will come into their life and change it all.
I have recently discovered a really great girl in one of the last places I would ever go looking for a serious relationship. She works in the club/nightlife scene here in Las Vegas and it's amazing how much you can learn about the city you live in through someone elses eyes. I never realized how shunned you can be by identifying yourself as a local here in Las Vegas. The reason being because locals tend to be the biggest cheap asses who don't treat the servers well and come in with a certain disillusionment about the world. Tourists are actually looked upon more favorably in some situations due to them throwing money around just to have a one weekend experience that they can remember for a lifetime.
Anyways about the girl, I truly believe this girl is a diamond in the rough in this city... From what I can tell she has been chewed a bit by the city and by life but still she perseveres. As one friend wrote recently on Twitter: "I do not think there is any other quality so essential to success of any kind as the quality of perseverence." My girl, as I call her, has definitely persevered... She keeps a sense of class and elegance about her while still being a down to earth girl...she puts herself last a lot of times thinking mainly about everyone else and looking out for her friends and her family before worrying about herself. She truly strikes me as a person that is just like me and someone I hope to get to know even better as the days and weeks progress. I also believe she might be the most special person I have ever met.
I have not quite figured out if Las Vegas has made me or broke me yet... I just know that I have a great job, I have great friends, I have had great experiences and I have lost about 40 pounds so far in this city. I see the potential for great success in this city by me just remembering where I came from and what brought me to this place in my life.
That is the secret to my success, remembering where you came from, who you truly are and what you want your life to be. Do not ever lose track of those things or you will lose yourself in the Las Vegas life.
Another secret that will work for anyone is always make sure you only surround yourself with people that are good for you. I think of my friends as like an onion, the outer layers could be peeled an discarded and are no big deal. At the heart of the onion is me and my closest friends. On the far outside are the acquaintances/people that don't mean that much to me. A little further in are the people that I talk to on occasion but it doesn't count for much. Further in more you start to find the people that I care about and respect. As you get closer to the center you find the people that are always in my thoughts and prayers. The ring right outside of the center are the people that inspire me, motivate me and make the person that I am. They define me and I would do anything I possibly could to help them out when they need it. They are the people that I trust and I hope will always trust in me.
For me I let people in fairly close to the center easily when I first meet them... I want people to know who I really am at heart and not a fake person... What they choose to do with that status in my life is completely up to them. I have just definitely learned that when relationships turn toxic you definitely need to figure out if this friendship/relationship is worth saving or if it's just time for you to kick them out of your life and move on. I have always been a person that wants everyone to like me but recently I have had to learn that you need to just let people move on and figure out for themselves who they are.
This blog and my life is dedicated to the people at the center of my world, my best friends and the people that mean the most to me.... Just in case they don't know who they are here is a short list of those I hold closest to me not including family... Michael, Jeff, Kendra, Chi, Nicole, Casey, Courtney, Sarah, Dawn, Kristine, Megan, Rebecca, Sobeyda, Cindy, and Carrie. Thank you to the above mentioned people for being a part of my life and helping me to be the person that I am today. It is all of your combined greatness that inspires me and motivates me everyday to be the best. I am who I am because of the people that I have met in my life and I will always hold each and every one of you close to my heart....
This is why I think my life will be a success here in Las Vegas but it won't make me or break me because I will always have the memories and the friendship of the above mentioned people in my heart....
I can never thank you all enough!
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Finding Success in the Face of Failure
Today I’ve done something I never have done before. Today I let failure get the best of me. During our second softball game of the day and my only at bat in that game, I walked out feeling like a complete failure. I only could think about badly I have batted this season, how terrible my average was, how I was the weakest player on the team and how I had failed the team so much this season.
The worst part about all of this now looking back is the fact that I wouldn’t even accept the consolation from the players on my team for putting in the effort. I told the coach I was done, packed up my stuff and left without saying goodbye. The game wasn’t even over and I left.
I am very disappointed in myself. I let athletic failure take away from enjoyment of a sport that I have become so passionate about.
I now have to seek redemption in new areas. I know I’m not the best athlete on the team, in fact I’m probably the worst. I might be one of the most passionate people playing the game but that passion just isn’t enough.
This year I have not been playing my best softball, whether it’s just bad luck, lack of playing skill, a hitch in my swing or whatever… The one thing I will accept is that this year I’m in a transition period and I think part of my problem with me playing softball right now is that transition period.
I am doing something that I don’t think anyone on my softball team has ever done. I’m at the start of a transformation of going from a self described fat bastard to a person that can look himself in the mirror and be proud of himself and be in the best physical fitness he has ever been in ever.
The start of this journey started when I stepped on a scale and the display popped up 249.0...
I knew that I could not let that number roll over to 250, I was killing myself and I was on the brink of having some major health problems. The journey is now about 5 ½ months through and I’m down to 233 pounds. I’m hoping to get down to 200 or less pounds by the time I go home to visit my family at Christmas.
I believe that I can fully accomplish this goal. I also believe that I’m getting ready to make some serious headway at this life long goal of mine. I have never been an athletic person, I’ve always been the chubby kid. The one that found his comfort in food and being lazy and spending a lifetime on a couch watching TV. This year that changes…..
Having said this, I think that part of my frustration today on the softball fields came from the fact that I have been knocking off pounds here and there the past 2 weeks and I thought “oh wait till this weekend, I’m going to be stronger, faster and more athletic and I’m going to be so much better….” Well then in the first game: I grounded out and then I hit into a double play before I told our coach to pull me. The next game I struck out swinging. The most embarrassing moment of my softball playing days.
I think I had built myself up so much and when I failed to accomplish my playing goals all that frustration that I have been playing with all season long came to a head and I called it quits.
I don’t like thinking of myself as a quitter, in fact I’m quite ashamed. I feel embarrassed that I will have to face my teammates at work tomorrow and possibly have to explain my actions.
In the end though I have to look inward and dig deeper into myself. I have developed a new philosophy recently that the only person you can ever truly count on is yourself, everyone else will fail you at some point in your life. The truth is even sometimes you will fail yourself. You won’t be mentally all there or your physical ability just isn’t enough on any given day.
Well today I failed myself, physically I wasn’t strong enough or fast enough to beat out the groundballs and mentally I didn’t see the ball well enough to hit it and I just thought about average and proving myself as a success….
All I proved was today, I gave up too easily and I accepted failure too quickly…
Then I realized as the day progressed that failure is a part of success. If you don’t know what it’s like to be a failure then you never know what it feels like to truly succeed. As a fat person who has never been very good at athletics I know what it’s like to be a failure, by the end of this year I plan on finally being the best athlete I have ever been and finally getting to truly feel like I am a success. By the end of this year there will be a new and improved Shawn and this day will be a stepping stone on my own personal path of success.
The worst part about all of this now looking back is the fact that I wouldn’t even accept the consolation from the players on my team for putting in the effort. I told the coach I was done, packed up my stuff and left without saying goodbye. The game wasn’t even over and I left.
I am very disappointed in myself. I let athletic failure take away from enjoyment of a sport that I have become so passionate about.
I now have to seek redemption in new areas. I know I’m not the best athlete on the team, in fact I’m probably the worst. I might be one of the most passionate people playing the game but that passion just isn’t enough.
This year I have not been playing my best softball, whether it’s just bad luck, lack of playing skill, a hitch in my swing or whatever… The one thing I will accept is that this year I’m in a transition period and I think part of my problem with me playing softball right now is that transition period.
I am doing something that I don’t think anyone on my softball team has ever done. I’m at the start of a transformation of going from a self described fat bastard to a person that can look himself in the mirror and be proud of himself and be in the best physical fitness he has ever been in ever.
The start of this journey started when I stepped on a scale and the display popped up 249.0...
I knew that I could not let that number roll over to 250, I was killing myself and I was on the brink of having some major health problems. The journey is now about 5 ½ months through and I’m down to 233 pounds. I’m hoping to get down to 200 or less pounds by the time I go home to visit my family at Christmas.
I believe that I can fully accomplish this goal. I also believe that I’m getting ready to make some serious headway at this life long goal of mine. I have never been an athletic person, I’ve always been the chubby kid. The one that found his comfort in food and being lazy and spending a lifetime on a couch watching TV. This year that changes…..
Having said this, I think that part of my frustration today on the softball fields came from the fact that I have been knocking off pounds here and there the past 2 weeks and I thought “oh wait till this weekend, I’m going to be stronger, faster and more athletic and I’m going to be so much better….” Well then in the first game: I grounded out and then I hit into a double play before I told our coach to pull me. The next game I struck out swinging. The most embarrassing moment of my softball playing days.
I think I had built myself up so much and when I failed to accomplish my playing goals all that frustration that I have been playing with all season long came to a head and I called it quits.
I don’t like thinking of myself as a quitter, in fact I’m quite ashamed. I feel embarrassed that I will have to face my teammates at work tomorrow and possibly have to explain my actions.
In the end though I have to look inward and dig deeper into myself. I have developed a new philosophy recently that the only person you can ever truly count on is yourself, everyone else will fail you at some point in your life. The truth is even sometimes you will fail yourself. You won’t be mentally all there or your physical ability just isn’t enough on any given day.
Well today I failed myself, physically I wasn’t strong enough or fast enough to beat out the groundballs and mentally I didn’t see the ball well enough to hit it and I just thought about average and proving myself as a success….
All I proved was today, I gave up too easily and I accepted failure too quickly…
Then I realized as the day progressed that failure is a part of success. If you don’t know what it’s like to be a failure then you never know what it feels like to truly succeed. As a fat person who has never been very good at athletics I know what it’s like to be a failure, by the end of this year I plan on finally being the best athlete I have ever been and finally getting to truly feel like I am a success. By the end of this year there will be a new and improved Shawn and this day will be a stepping stone on my own personal path of success.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
The Miss California Schnaniganz
Is it just me or have we heard enough about Miss California and her answer to that crazy question from the Miss USA pageant?
She is becoming the face, a very attractive face of a very ugly debate. That is whether or not same sex couples should have the right to be married or not.
Me personally I don't see an issue with it. The fact is if the shoe was on the other foot and being same sex couples were socially acceptable and being mixed sex couples was the socially unacceptable how would all of the heterosexual people feel about not being allowed to marry. It doesn't matter what you believe, it doesn't matter what you feel is natural.
What matter is what is right... It doesn't hurt anything if they marry. If we can get past mixed race relations then we should be able to get past same sex couples. Remember there were people that didn't believe that different races were natural, the majority at the time thought that people should marry within their own race.
Now as a people we have learned that diversity is what makes us so great. I say let everyone marry whoever they want to. Just because the majority has currently made the laws doesn't mean that the majority is always right.
Let people live their life the way they want to, as long as they are not hurting others. Just because you vote to legalize same sex marriage doesn't mean you have to participate in a same sex marriage.... You can still stick your nose up and act like it doesn't exist. At least you know some where in that heart of yours that you are allowing someone to live their life and be happy.
Isn't that what you would wish for if the roles were reversed?
She is becoming the face, a very attractive face of a very ugly debate. That is whether or not same sex couples should have the right to be married or not.
Me personally I don't see an issue with it. The fact is if the shoe was on the other foot and being same sex couples were socially acceptable and being mixed sex couples was the socially unacceptable how would all of the heterosexual people feel about not being allowed to marry. It doesn't matter what you believe, it doesn't matter what you feel is natural.
What matter is what is right... It doesn't hurt anything if they marry. If we can get past mixed race relations then we should be able to get past same sex couples. Remember there were people that didn't believe that different races were natural, the majority at the time thought that people should marry within their own race.
Now as a people we have learned that diversity is what makes us so great. I say let everyone marry whoever they want to. Just because the majority has currently made the laws doesn't mean that the majority is always right.
Let people live their life the way they want to, as long as they are not hurting others. Just because you vote to legalize same sex marriage doesn't mean you have to participate in a same sex marriage.... You can still stick your nose up and act like it doesn't exist. At least you know some where in that heart of yours that you are allowing someone to live their life and be happy.
Isn't that what you would wish for if the roles were reversed?
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
My Rant: Anchors/Reporters & the idiots who take shots at them...
Tonight is one of those nights when I feel like I need to go on a little bit of my infamous rants...
My rant this time as the title says is about the public's need to comment on anchors and reporters and generally it's to say not so flattering things about them.
Now while I respect anyone's right to say whatever is on their mind, I do believe that people should think before they speak. This includes that people should think before they write... Words are very powerful and if thrown around callously, they can be very destructive.
One of the people that has been receiving a lot of comments lately is one of my co-workers Alicia Jacobs. For those of you who do not know Alicia is a former Miss Nevada USA and Miss United States. She is also the entertainment reporter and KVBC.
Recently while out shooting interviews she came across Holly Madison of Girls Next Door fame. Well I don't know the real story because I wasn't there. But by the sounds of it Holly made a comment about Alicia's attire... Alicia at some point made a comment on her twitter that she felt it wasn't very nice. She also stated that Holly Madison was not a good interview.
Well now this has blown up into a local so called "Cat-Fight".... Well this has lead people to make their comments about the situation either positive or negative. Alicia does have her supporters and I will honestly say that I am one of them.
Alicia has always been a very nice person to me. She has a great ability to socialize with anyone and make you feel extremely comfortable. She is very intelligent so I will trust her when she says someone is not a great interview. I have seen these types of interviews before, the ones when asked an intricate question or even a simple one respond with a one word answer. It's similar to if you are on a date with someone and you can't get more than a one word response from them. It is extremely painful and boring.
So if Alicia says she was a bad interview, and having been a person that has occasionally come across Girls Next Door I will definitely say those girls aren't playing with a full deck of cards. Also for the record since Alicia was formerly a pageant contestant she's dealt with a lot worse than this Holly Madison girl can even think about dishing out. Cut your losses Holly, go back to the old men... They are the only ones that find you charming.
Moving on....
Norm's column (Norm! Vegas Confidential) recently featured some news about the station I work for about our Noon show going to a half an hour program. Well some people took this as an opportunity to take shots at some of my co-workers/friends...
First off they are taking shots at our News Director Deborah Clayton. While I can say I don't work underneath the News Director I will say that she has just started her position. She has not been a News Director before and there is no training manual for how to be a good News Director. Just like I know there is no training manual on how to be a good Production Manager, which I basically was at one point in my career. With these jobs you have to learn on the fly. You have to learn from mistakes and strive to correct them and make sure they don't happen again. There was no person that took her under their wing and said "let me teach you a thing or two about being a News Director"....at least to my knowledge there wasn't because I didn't see it. For me I was fortunate, my former boss Tom Crist used to share knowledge with me from time to time and I'm a better person for it. All I can say is you can't judge a person when they are just starting a position....being a manager is not something that you instantly get over a month, a couple of months, or even a year. It is a position that you learn from everyday and you grow with the position as your employees under you grow with you.
Next up they take shots at our anchors... Dana & Kim Wagner, Sue Manteris and Jim Snyder. They say the anchors are boring or they don't like them. Well you know it's one thing to say they're boring but it's another thing to say they don't know what they're talking about. Guess what no one can say that. Their job is to present the NEWS to you....it's not to ENTERTAIN! If they do entertain you it's because they're going the extra mile to do that. Just like your job is probably to flip the burger, or take the french fries out of the friar... It's not to feed the food to the people. If you are going to be an idiot and feel the need to comment on the way our anchors look or the fact that they don't entertain you, then do us all a favor and change the channel to VH1 and watch Rock of Love Bus or maybe put it on E! and watch the Kardashians or Girls Next Door.... Those shows are more your speed.
Now finally one last person people just absolutely feel the need to comment on is Tiffany DeLeon our newest reporter. People have just felt the need to comment on everything and anything about her and that really is a shame. This is someone who has basically just started out in the business and she's learning her job the hard by actually doing it in front of a Top 50 market audience. I am someone who started out in a small market so at least our small town was more receptive of new people starting out and understanding that they all start out rough but eventually they develop into something very special. Right now Tiffany is just starting out and she is extremely gifted and has a lot of potential. That's why she was hired... There might have been other people with more experience but sometimes you have to look at the person that actually wants to be there the most and the person who wants to succeed. She is that kind of person and you give her a year or two and she most likely will be one of the best reporters there is. She is a better person than I am because she actually tolerates all of those idiots who make idiotic comments and judge her off of only a month or two of full-time reporting. It's too bad they will never know how absolutely nice she is and how approachable she is as well. She is one of those people who will talk to anyone and it's an honor and a pleasure to be able to call her a friend.
Now to all these people judging my co-workers and friends I can understand that you are probably just jealous of them and the fact that they are actually attractive enough to be on TV. I'm sure if you had the testicular fortitude you would go out on the street with someone video taping you and see if you can handle it when people come up to you and say how much they think you suck. Of course since you are such cool people then I'm sure you would have no problem telling us where you work so that we can all come in and stop by and tell you what we think about your job performance. Especially when we ordered the burger without cheese and you still managed to fail to get that through your neanderthal brain.
So the next time that you feel the need to make comments about the way someone on TV looks or their reporting skills, maybe you should send us a picture, an e-mail address and let us know where you work. That way we can come and insult the way you look, the fact that you do your job substandard to us and we can just tear into you like a shark into its prey. At least if you had the guts to do that then we would at least respect your opinions and not just take you for a complete moron who doesn't understand us unless we speak monosyllabically to you.
Of course that's just my opinion and this has been my rant.....
My rant this time as the title says is about the public's need to comment on anchors and reporters and generally it's to say not so flattering things about them.
Now while I respect anyone's right to say whatever is on their mind, I do believe that people should think before they speak. This includes that people should think before they write... Words are very powerful and if thrown around callously, they can be very destructive.
One of the people that has been receiving a lot of comments lately is one of my co-workers Alicia Jacobs. For those of you who do not know Alicia is a former Miss Nevada USA and Miss United States. She is also the entertainment reporter and KVBC.
Recently while out shooting interviews she came across Holly Madison of Girls Next Door fame. Well I don't know the real story because I wasn't there. But by the sounds of it Holly made a comment about Alicia's attire... Alicia at some point made a comment on her twitter that she felt it wasn't very nice. She also stated that Holly Madison was not a good interview.
Well now this has blown up into a local so called "Cat-Fight".... Well this has lead people to make their comments about the situation either positive or negative. Alicia does have her supporters and I will honestly say that I am one of them.
Alicia has always been a very nice person to me. She has a great ability to socialize with anyone and make you feel extremely comfortable. She is very intelligent so I will trust her when she says someone is not a great interview. I have seen these types of interviews before, the ones when asked an intricate question or even a simple one respond with a one word answer. It's similar to if you are on a date with someone and you can't get more than a one word response from them. It is extremely painful and boring.
So if Alicia says she was a bad interview, and having been a person that has occasionally come across Girls Next Door I will definitely say those girls aren't playing with a full deck of cards. Also for the record since Alicia was formerly a pageant contestant she's dealt with a lot worse than this Holly Madison girl can even think about dishing out. Cut your losses Holly, go back to the old men... They are the only ones that find you charming.
Moving on....
Norm's column (Norm! Vegas Confidential) recently featured some news about the station I work for about our Noon show going to a half an hour program. Well some people took this as an opportunity to take shots at some of my co-workers/friends...
First off they are taking shots at our News Director Deborah Clayton. While I can say I don't work underneath the News Director I will say that she has just started her position. She has not been a News Director before and there is no training manual for how to be a good News Director. Just like I know there is no training manual on how to be a good Production Manager, which I basically was at one point in my career. With these jobs you have to learn on the fly. You have to learn from mistakes and strive to correct them and make sure they don't happen again. There was no person that took her under their wing and said "let me teach you a thing or two about being a News Director"....at least to my knowledge there wasn't because I didn't see it. For me I was fortunate, my former boss Tom Crist used to share knowledge with me from time to time and I'm a better person for it. All I can say is you can't judge a person when they are just starting a position....being a manager is not something that you instantly get over a month, a couple of months, or even a year. It is a position that you learn from everyday and you grow with the position as your employees under you grow with you.
Next up they take shots at our anchors... Dana & Kim Wagner, Sue Manteris and Jim Snyder. They say the anchors are boring or they don't like them. Well you know it's one thing to say they're boring but it's another thing to say they don't know what they're talking about. Guess what no one can say that. Their job is to present the NEWS to you....it's not to ENTERTAIN! If they do entertain you it's because they're going the extra mile to do that. Just like your job is probably to flip the burger, or take the french fries out of the friar... It's not to feed the food to the people. If you are going to be an idiot and feel the need to comment on the way our anchors look or the fact that they don't entertain you, then do us all a favor and change the channel to VH1 and watch Rock of Love Bus or maybe put it on E! and watch the Kardashians or Girls Next Door.... Those shows are more your speed.
Now finally one last person people just absolutely feel the need to comment on is Tiffany DeLeon our newest reporter. People have just felt the need to comment on everything and anything about her and that really is a shame. This is someone who has basically just started out in the business and she's learning her job the hard by actually doing it in front of a Top 50 market audience. I am someone who started out in a small market so at least our small town was more receptive of new people starting out and understanding that they all start out rough but eventually they develop into something very special. Right now Tiffany is just starting out and she is extremely gifted and has a lot of potential. That's why she was hired... There might have been other people with more experience but sometimes you have to look at the person that actually wants to be there the most and the person who wants to succeed. She is that kind of person and you give her a year or two and she most likely will be one of the best reporters there is. She is a better person than I am because she actually tolerates all of those idiots who make idiotic comments and judge her off of only a month or two of full-time reporting. It's too bad they will never know how absolutely nice she is and how approachable she is as well. She is one of those people who will talk to anyone and it's an honor and a pleasure to be able to call her a friend.
Now to all these people judging my co-workers and friends I can understand that you are probably just jealous of them and the fact that they are actually attractive enough to be on TV. I'm sure if you had the testicular fortitude you would go out on the street with someone video taping you and see if you can handle it when people come up to you and say how much they think you suck. Of course since you are such cool people then I'm sure you would have no problem telling us where you work so that we can all come in and stop by and tell you what we think about your job performance. Especially when we ordered the burger without cheese and you still managed to fail to get that through your neanderthal brain.
So the next time that you feel the need to make comments about the way someone on TV looks or their reporting skills, maybe you should send us a picture, an e-mail address and let us know where you work. That way we can come and insult the way you look, the fact that you do your job substandard to us and we can just tear into you like a shark into its prey. At least if you had the guts to do that then we would at least respect your opinions and not just take you for a complete moron who doesn't understand us unless we speak monosyllabically to you.
Of course that's just my opinion and this has been my rant.....
Monday, April 6, 2009
The Week that is to be....
Tonight is one of my reflective nights. I am moving in a new direction from the one that I have traveled most of my life. That is a good thing. While I realize that there are always going to be some core elements of myself I can never change, nor would I want to. There are definitely somethings that I have the power to change. So tonight I was just reflecting in my mind on the things that have been said or the people that have come into my life that have stayed with me and moved my life into the direction it has....
They say that words are more powerful than actions...
Some of the words have stuck with me for a lifetime, some of the words that I once deemed hurtful I have now turned into motivational ones....
"Look at Shawn he's starting to get quite a gut"
"Uncle Shawn, you've got a fat belly!"
"It doesn't matter what you eat as long as you work it off."
"You really should do something about that stomach it's not healthy."
Those are some of the lines I think about everytime I go and workout or debate whether I should or not. Of course I have said much more hurtful things to myself than anyone else could. I also am using those poor reflections on myself to finally try and enact change.
I have done something in the past couple of months that I never dreamed I would actually do. That is I have lost weight. This is my own personal success. I have not had any help from a trainer or a dietician or any of that.
I have dug deeper in myself to find a part of me that has been hiding away. It is funny, I thought for the longest time that my body was just a vessel to carry around my soul and my big heart. Then I finally started to realize that only a select few were seeing the greatness of my soul and they definitely weren't seeing how big my heart was because my gut was much bigger!
So I started out with a goal of losing 30 pounds in a 100 days, leading up to the marriage of my co-worker/friend Nicole and her fiance Jacob. Well I will openly admit....I have FAILED.... I will not reach the goal by the time Thursday rolls around.
I had my trials and tribulations with losing the weight... Sometimes it was lack of motivation, sometimes it was procrastination, sometimes it was an injury, sometimes it was illness, sometimes there just wasn't an excuse at all. But through all of this I started to find the time to do it, the reasons to do it...the motivation to do it.
As of this past Friday I had lost 10 pounds. I don't think I have ever lost 10 pounds in my life. I don't know what the final tally will be by Thursday but I'm just hoping to keep the poundage going down. My ultimate goal is to lose all the extra weight by the end of the year... Now if I can actually lose it all earlier that would be really awesome!
I feel better now than I have felt in a long time. I used to heavily depend on others to make me happy. I did not think much of myself and would always notice how great everyone else was and their potential for greatness but never saw those qualities in myself. I am realizing more and more that I can create my own happyness by my own accomplishments. Trust me I still love it when someone else does something nice for me or a moment comes up that will be remembered and treasured forever.
This is the week of the wedding and I will be a groomsmen. I'm just hoping I can represent myself well and give my role the justice it deserves. Thursday is going to be one of those moments that will be remembered and treasured forever.... This will be one of those moments that define a lifetime.... I'm just going to make sure I'm at the best that I can be to truly enjoy every second of it!
Thanks to all who have come into my life..... and for those fortunate enough to still be a part of it just wait you're going to see Shawn finally reach his true potential!
They say that words are more powerful than actions...
Some of the words have stuck with me for a lifetime, some of the words that I once deemed hurtful I have now turned into motivational ones....
"Look at Shawn he's starting to get quite a gut"
"Uncle Shawn, you've got a fat belly!"
"It doesn't matter what you eat as long as you work it off."
"You really should do something about that stomach it's not healthy."
Those are some of the lines I think about everytime I go and workout or debate whether I should or not. Of course I have said much more hurtful things to myself than anyone else could. I also am using those poor reflections on myself to finally try and enact change.
I have done something in the past couple of months that I never dreamed I would actually do. That is I have lost weight. This is my own personal success. I have not had any help from a trainer or a dietician or any of that.
I have dug deeper in myself to find a part of me that has been hiding away. It is funny, I thought for the longest time that my body was just a vessel to carry around my soul and my big heart. Then I finally started to realize that only a select few were seeing the greatness of my soul and they definitely weren't seeing how big my heart was because my gut was much bigger!
So I started out with a goal of losing 30 pounds in a 100 days, leading up to the marriage of my co-worker/friend Nicole and her fiance Jacob. Well I will openly admit....I have FAILED.... I will not reach the goal by the time Thursday rolls around.
I had my trials and tribulations with losing the weight... Sometimes it was lack of motivation, sometimes it was procrastination, sometimes it was an injury, sometimes it was illness, sometimes there just wasn't an excuse at all. But through all of this I started to find the time to do it, the reasons to do it...the motivation to do it.
As of this past Friday I had lost 10 pounds. I don't think I have ever lost 10 pounds in my life. I don't know what the final tally will be by Thursday but I'm just hoping to keep the poundage going down. My ultimate goal is to lose all the extra weight by the end of the year... Now if I can actually lose it all earlier that would be really awesome!
I feel better now than I have felt in a long time. I used to heavily depend on others to make me happy. I did not think much of myself and would always notice how great everyone else was and their potential for greatness but never saw those qualities in myself. I am realizing more and more that I can create my own happyness by my own accomplishments. Trust me I still love it when someone else does something nice for me or a moment comes up that will be remembered and treasured forever.
This is the week of the wedding and I will be a groomsmen. I'm just hoping I can represent myself well and give my role the justice it deserves. Thursday is going to be one of those moments that will be remembered and treasured forever.... This will be one of those moments that define a lifetime.... I'm just going to make sure I'm at the best that I can be to truly enjoy every second of it!
Thanks to all who have come into my life..... and for those fortunate enough to still be a part of it just wait you're going to see Shawn finally reach his true potential!
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