New Year, New Shawn

Long time no blog...

So much has gone on in my life since the last time I blogged. Since I don't remember the last time I blogged I will just sum up my life as it stands right now.

Professionally: I've been the Production Manager at KSNV-TV for almost a year now. Personally: I've been engaged to the most beautiful, gorgeous, loving and intelligent woman I have ever met. Also working on becoming a first time home buyer.

My life it is a changing but I will be the first to admit sometimes the past influences the present.

The thing that makes me happiest right now is being engaged to Natalie Assadourian. She's an amazing woman and I know not only do I love her with all of my heart but I know she will make me finally realize that potential that I knew I had in me but I've never quite fully reached out and taken complete control of that potential. I now have a new motivation in my life though and it is her.

I used to wonder if there would ever be that person who would love me for me. Who would see through the shyness and soft heart and not only love it but embrace it. The purity of my heart and my soul sometimes seemed like it was a negative about me. I had gotten to the point where I had given up on finding someone. I was going to be the bachelor for life and it was either embrace that fact or find myself a miserably lost person. Well then that all changed for the better.

Another thing that makes me happy is that my friends were starting to settle down as well and either getting married or finding a long term relationship and they were happy. I keep wishing that all my friends are as happy as I am right now.

The only problem with my relationship is the distance. Long distance makes everything hurt that much more. It's hard because you can't just reach out and touch the person you love. You can't just look into their eyes and reassure them that everything is okay. You can't just give them a hug and build them back up. The only thing we have to bridge the gap of 3000 miles is our hearts, our souls, our words, our mental strength and our love. If it weren't for that we'd be done.

I've searched all my life for Natalie Assadourian but for the longest time I didn't know that it was her, I didn't know what she looked like, I didn't know her name, I didn't know where she was, I didn't know a whole hell of a lot... I just knew she was out there. Now that I've found her I look at others that I thought had potential to be the love of my life... boy was I wrong.

People are right, when you stop looking that's when true love finds you. I used to try and force myself to feel something for others just because I thought hey maybe it will all work out... Then with Miss Natalie it all came naturally. Finally I know what it's like to be madly, deeply, truly in love.

Now one of the things I have had to come to grips is that I'm no longer single. (excuse the profanity) The shit I used to get away with no longer flies. What may seem like I'm acting with the best of intentions is no longer cool. So I'm learning slowly and after taking some time to think it through that there are things that I have to change. Well guess what I'm not stuck in my ways and after watching enough Dr. Phil I have that voice ringing in my head of "how's that working for you?"... The answer to the question is it's not working so I drop it. Natalie is the most important thing to me along with my family and my job. So whatever I can do to help make our relationship even stronger than it is then I'm willing to do.

Speaking of strong relationships this is the best advice I will give to anyone willing to listen. You can't build a relationship with a weak foundation. I tried and it failed before and even though my friends told me I was wrong I didn't listen. I hope that thought resonates in people's heads that you have to have a strong foundation to weather any storm that hits your relationship.

I will not speak of my past because honestly giving words to the past feels like I'm giving it power in my life. It has no power anymore... The most powerful thing in my life is the love I have for my future wife Natalie Assadourian.

Another update in my life is me and my future wife planning for a wedding. I know that it will be the wedding of the century for most but for me it will be the wedding of a lifetime What I want is to invite the people that have meant the most to me in life to share the next step of my life. If I were a billionaire I'd invite everyone and their dog to it but instead it's going to be small and intimate. That means I invite the people that mean the most to me. The people that have brought out the best in me.

I am Shawn, I'm growing up, I'm changing for the better. Pretty soon I will be a husband, a father, a home owner, a boss and who knows what else... My life although I have struggled is pretty damn awesome now and once I get my future wife here I will be blowing the roof off this life.

I love you with all my heart Natalie Assadourian, I will never let anything come between us because for me you are PERFECT and I will always love you.

Let me introduce to you....

"It’s Bloggering Time!"

Okay that was my attempt at humor and trying to sound like Thing of the Fantastic Four. #FAIL

The last time that I blogged was when I wrote about remembering my best friend Jennifer Hawkins who died 9 ½ years ago. It is because of her greatness that I am the person that I am today.

I know I’ve found that I sometimes move to fast especially in the case of starting out friendships and even relationships. Reason being that you never know how long you’re going to be on this Earth. With my friend Jen I knew her only for 3 ½ months. As a result some friendships, some relationships have burned out more quickly than they might have if I had let them progress more slowly, more naturally. In this new world where a person is just a Facebook message, a tweet or a text away it’s easy to hit the accelerator to hard and blow up the relationship/friendship like a car engine before it even gets a proper chance to start. I’ve done it a couple of times and I always fear that I might do it again, but I‘d rather move too fast than way too slow or not at all. I never thought I’d meet anyone as great as Jennifer, that was until recently.

It began simply enough with bringing in someone for a simple job interview. The person I thought would become an excellent employee ended up not being an employee or co-worker at all. Long story short things didn’t work out with the employee to be on the professional front but after she left a message that tugged at the heart strings on my work voice mail, something in me told me to not lose that number.

I called (nervously & apprehensively) and like my friend Jennifer we hit it off. Amazingly so… Things came so easy, it came so fast… I could tell early on that she was an amazing person and I was lucky to have her in my life. Then the night came when I took her to the airport, she was supposed to be gone for the weekend… It ended up being a lot more. That weekend passed, and then a week, then many more, a month, now a couple of months… But thanks to this technology age we live in, a text, a Facebook message and then eventually Skype I have been able to hold on to and keep in contact with one of the greatest people I ever met.

It is as a result of technology that my friendship didn’t fizzle out, instead it was given the chance to heat up, it turned into love and into a relationship… Where it goes next, I’m not for sure. I just know I’ve met someone truly amazing and I realize now that everything I have gone through in life has been leading me up to this point.

Before I go to far, I probably should introduce the blogging community to my girlfriend Natalie Assadourian. I know I’m terrible, probably should have introduced her way before now. She’s an amazing writer, videographer, editor, mother, friend, and so much more. Everyone who has ever met her thinks she is amazing and I will definitely agree with them.

I have never met anyone quite like Natalie. She is in a league of her own and I’m truly honored (or honoured as those Canadians write it) to have met her. Never has a girl written an article in a publication about me, she has. We write the chapters of our own story to each other every day. We never go a day without messaging each other on Facebook. We are the best of friends and our hearts grow intertwined more and more everyday. In August I will get to see her in person again when I travel to Toronto, Ontario, Canada for the very first time. Until then we have Skype and although the industry professionals in us constantly critique the video quality, our lighting techniques and our shot composition the one thing we never have to worry about is that the other person on the other side of the camera & internet connection is the one that we’ve fallen completely in love with.

In the articles that she writes, she is Industry girl so I guess that makes me Industry guy. It’s never happened to me before that I have ever met someone who has not only the same heart as me, worked in the same industry as me and just completely rocked my world. So I have to assume that it is extremely rare that it happens in this world. I definitely know I truly appreciate her and everything about her. I only hope this thing we got going on between us will last forever. The one thing I can say for sure right now is that Industry Girl has taken my heart with her to Canada and I'm looking forward to the day that we're together again in person...

Remembering Jen-9 years later

On January 12, 2002 I lost my best friend. 9 years later I still think about her all the time. I have said this time and again but I only knew her for 3 months but those were the best 3 months of my life.

I still remember that when Jennifer Hawkins started at KRTV Channel 3, I did my best to avoid talking to her at first. My natural shyness was in full effect at the time. She had just started working in her new town Great Falls, Montana after graduating from Ball State in Indianapolis, IN.

The start of her career was not the way she had pictured it, it was difficult and she was having to make an adjustment to life in a small town. In her first few days she was still working on making new friends and also dealing with having a flat tire in October in Montana.

I first started talking to her as I was walking with her to the studio to shoot ID's and the all important web photo. I made the comment that she had to be the quietest reporter I had ever met because she didn't say a word at first. She replied that I just didn't know her yet and if I did get to know her she would talk my ear off. She was right.

We eventually exchanged numbers and I told her to call my anytime she wanted to go to lunch or see a movie or whatever. I said I was always more than willing to do that. Literally the next day she called me and told me to take her to lunch! I loved it because up until that time I just stayed at home and played video games and watched movies. I never was one for going out and obviously never one to put himself out there.

The friendship always continued to grow from there, she told me that for the meals that we would do like they did in Indianapolis.... we'd take turns paying. So that's what we did and everytime she forgot who's turn it was, I'd always say oh it's my turn.

Our first lunch date was to Bert & Ernie's where after knowing me for all of 30 seconds she told me a secret about an activity that she had done that she knew would probably get her in a little hot water. I told her I would never tell anyone and I didn't. Even when everyone learned of it a month or so down the line. Great Falls is a small town and no secret can last for long there, but a bond made between two friends there can be made for an eternity.

I remember there was a week that I had taken off for vacation and we had made plans for me to come back to work and help her with stuff. Well then my sister and my boss got involved and I was told that I was not allowed to come to work when I was on vacation! Still though I snuck up to work only long enough to take Jennifer out to lunch. I believe Lost Woodsman was one of the places we went once or twice during that week. She loved that place.

She really worked hard to break me out of my shell and I definitely became a different person thanks to her. One of the lessons I still keep in my mind every day was the one she taught me about our co-worker Scott.

Scott was one of her friends and to me he was just a co-worker. Scott made my life as a director difficult with his late tapes and crazy rundowns. Well I used to hold on to the anger/frustration with him that I had and would never even give him the time of the day on a day to day basis. Jennifer told me one day that I really needed to give Scott another chance because he was a good guy and he wanted to be my friend. I just needed to give him another chance. Well I never really heeded those words until after she passed. It was at that point I gave Scott another chance or two, we actually even hung out once or twice. He was and is a good guy. The lesson Jen taught me was to give people a NEW chance every day. They may fail but at least you're being the better person and giving them the chance.

The last day I ever saw Jen was a day when we were at work and we had gone to lunch at Burger King of all places. I remember placing the order and she asked for her Whopper Jr. cut in half. I had never heard of this and questioned if you could really ask for that. She told me, yes because she used to work at a Burger King and it's your way right away.

The next day I went in to work, the weekend crew was all a buzz because there was a huge sandstorm on the highway between Showdown Ski resort and Great Falls. There was a 6 to 10 car pileup and the crew was excited for real news. We were trying to get in contact with our crew Dave Gerdrum and Jennifer because they wanted them to stop and get video of it. As I was walking past the newsroom I looked in and saw our news director Joel Lundstad on the phone and then he put his head in his hands.

I went in and he said, "we lost them"... I was confused and then he ellaborated and said that it was Dave & Jen that were killed in the accident. They were crushed between two semi trucks. After that I walked outside of the station and sang "Hero" by Mariah Carey for some reason. Jen was a big fan of Mariah Carey she actually used to sing it in the car. I never really figured out why I sang that song but I think it's because to this day she will always be my best friend and my hero.

I will never forget Jen and I'm happy to say I never had one negative memory of her. She was a great soul and I remember her parents telling me at her funeral how much she had started to love her job. She had thought she would never get it and was trying to figure out what else she could do. Well she came into her own and although not a lot of people won't remember her, she made a lasting impression on me, I will remember her and she'll be in my heart always.

I miss you Jen, I will never forget you.



The Accident Scene




Dave Gerdrum-Photographer



Jennifer (Hinderliter) Hawkins-Reporter

Here is the story as written by the Great Falls Tribune 1-13-02
Sunday, January 13, 2002

KRTV reporter, photographer die in 12-vehicle pileup near Belt
By SONJA LEE
Tribune Staff Writer


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A dust storm kicked up by Saturday's 50-plus-mph winds created brown-out conditions near Belt causing a 12-car pileup that killed two people and sent at least four people to the hospital with minor injuries.
KRTV television reporter Jennifer Hawkins, 22, and part-time KRTV photographer David Gerdrum, 48, were killed in the crash, which involved three eastbound and westbound semi-tractor trailers on Highway 87/89 about five miles west of Belt.

Bob Rosipal, Cascade County deputy sheriff's coroner said the accident occurred near the Enger cutoff around 1:20 p.m. when a westbound semi with Missouri license tags slowed down after a dust storm limited visibility to less than 10 feet. Directly behind, the KRTV Suburu Forester apparently was slowing down when it was was rear-ended and pushed into the semi by a second semi driven by Brett Likes of Idaho. At least six additional vehicles, including two trucks pulling horse trailers piled into the westbound truck.

Another accident occurred at the same time in the same stretch of road in the eastbound lane when a pickup truck slowed down because of the dust. A GMC Jimmy hit the pickup from behind and a third big rig barreling down the highway struck the eastbound traffic, Rosipal said. The Jimmy spun around into the westbound traffic, already snarled from the westbound string of accidents, and the pickup went off the road into a shallow ditch.

"It was tremendous. The scene was just a mess," said Rosipal, who has been with the department for the last nine years. "This was the worst accident I have ever been on."

The driver of the Jimmy and his passenger were taken to Benefis East and will be kept overnight for observation, he said. Likes suffered back and neck injuries and cuts and bruises. Likes was listed in fair condition at Benefis and kept overnight. Another unidentified woman involved in the westbound accident also was taken to Benefis with minor injuries.

No citations have issued and the accident still is under investigation by the Highway Patrol.

Firetrucks, ambulances and other rescue crews fought through limited visibility to reach the scene. Emergency personnel requested goggles as winds kicked up thick layers of black dust from a nearby field, where about 75 acres had burned in a fire last summer.

Rosipal said that the dust poured off of several nearby plowed fields, not just the burned area.

"My eyes are trashed," Rosipal said. "And even when we were coming back into Great Falls, it still looked like thunderstorms with all that wind and dirt."

Dirt drifted in behind the snow fence erected on a nearby field of stubble. The windstorm sent dry soil spinning into thick, rolling black clouds visible in Great Falls.

Eastbound traffic was rerouted at the Stockett-Sand Coulee turnoff to Highwood Road through Belt. Westbound traffic also was rerouted through Belt.

The road remained closed for about four hours.

KRTV News Director Joel Lundstad said Hawkins and Gerdrum were returning from a story they had been working on about Eagle Mount at Showdown Ski Area. Both were hard workers and had wonderful personalities that added greatly to the newsroom, he said.

"I don't think of these people as my employees; they were my family," he said.

KRTV opted not to broadcast a news program Saturday, but will resume the newscasts at 5:30 p.m. today, he said.

The wind in the Great Falls area hit its high Saturday -- 61 miles per hour at 12:59 p.m.

Don Herigon, who lives a little more than a mile away from the accident site, said he tried to take a four-wheeler toward the area, but because of the dust he was forced to turn around.

"The wind was terrible," he said. "I've never seen it like this up here."

Rick Becker wasn't home when the accident happened right in front of his property along U.S. Highway 87/89. Becker said he encountered the detours but was able to make his way back home on backroads.

"It looks like a mess out there," he said. "The dirt keeps blowing in, there are all the vehicles and the emergency lights."

Clay Sweeney, who also lives in the area, said there were miles of cars backed up from the scene. And he said he turned around and decided to stay home.

"The wind had to have been pushing 50 miles per hour," said Everett Bumgarner, who also lives in the area.

Skiers 65 miles away at the Showdown Ski area also felt an impact from the accident. Although the weather there didn't include high winds, the traffic snarl near Belt closed roads, stranding Great Falls skiers on the mountain.

"We handed out decks of cards to those who didn't want to ski anymore," said Margie Willette, a spokeswoman at the ski area.

By 4 p.m., Montana Highway Patrol advised the ski area that traffic could take the alternative route through Belt to return to Great Falls.

Although dust storms in the area aren't uncommon, a sudden brownout in January is rare, said Jim Brusda, a meteorologist with the National Weather Service office in Great Falls.

"There was just no snow cover anymore, and we are in the middle of a drought," Brusda said.

It was a sudden wave that moved through, he said.

The duration of the wind coupled with no moisture and above-freezing temperatures combined to create the conditions, according to the weather service. There has been only .02 inches of moisture this month.

Last summer high winds kicked up a white alkali dust storm, leading to a five-vehicle crash involving three semis and eight people near Sunburst.

The storm conditions with zero-visibility on Interstate 15 a half-mile south of Sunburst.

The 2011 Plan & Random Goals

Two days in and this year has already started off in an interesting way for me. There have already been new developments which of course I can’t disclose right now but I can honestly say my world will be changing in 2011, in ways I really hadn’t anticipated until now.

If you have read my blog in the past then you know I have been fighting the weight war for sometime now. Although I will admit when it came to the holiday season I just basically waved the white flag and gave into temptation.

Now as I start my first week of 2011 I will once again resolve to be better than I was before. This brings me to my first plan for 2011.

1. Run in the Ice Breaker Road Race in my hometown of Great Falls, MT.

I have never run 3 miles straight in my life and that’s the race I will be entering myself in. I have until April to be ready for it so if I can’t be ready by then, well lets just say that’s really sad. If I fail to be able to run it, I could at least walk it but I want to do something I’ve never done before in 2011 and that’s number one on the list. I also believe that if I can run 3 miles straight then the next part of my plan for 2011 will be easy.

2. See myself without the gut for the first time that I can remember.

I would absolutely love to see this goal accomplished by Summer. We all know how nice Vegas is in the Spring/Summer I’d like to fully enjoy it without having to worry about whether I look as good as I should. I have never seen myself skinny, it’s been a life long goal but I never put the work in like I should have. I know what I need to do and I’m looking to either have this goal completed early by the time this upcoming season of Biggest Loser is over or it will be complete before my friend Sarah Casey’s wedding in August.

By now you’ve probably figured out I’m not writing these as resolutions… To me resolutions always have the stigma of you say you’re going to do it but then after a week or two you give up and go back to what you were doing before. Well what I was doing before was not working for me and I want to be able to live my life to its fullest. So that’s why I’m stating in this blog this is my plan.

The final thing on my plan for 2011 is a simple concept.

3. Be better off financially at the start of 2012 then I was for the start of 2011.

I made some bad financial decisions in 2010, don’t need to elaborate too much into that. Simply enough friendship shouldn’t be financially beneficial for anyone if it is that’s not friendship, that’s a business relationship. My aunt said it best to me once, “I work too hard for my money just to give it a way.” I've taken that as some really good advice. I would never use someone for money, I’ve learned everyone is not like me.

Okay those 3 things are my plan for 2011. Those things I plan on accomplishing. The next list is random things I want to do or hope to do. I’m not feeling obligated to do it but I’d definitely like to try and do some of them or all of them in 2011. I've only written 25 but I'm sure I will have more random things to add as I think them up.

1. See the ocean
2. Make someone smile everyday
3. Have someone tell me I have inspired them
4. Not get the Nicole Wolf Robotham Award For I Can’t Take You Anywhere.
5. Don’t gamble a single dollar.
6. Limit fast food or ordering out of food to once a month max. (Except for in case of goal #7.)
7. Go to lunch/dinner with any friend who wants to occasionally.
8. Call the family more often.
9. Write a positive Twitter or Facebook message to someone everyday.
10. Have the motto “Fools Rush In” and remember that in life Baby Steps aren’t just for characters in the movie “What About Bob?”
11. Make sure to let friends & loved ones know how much they are appreciated.
12. Visit some place new.
13. Try and learn how to swim again.
14. Work on coordination and maybe some dance skills.
15. Work on being a little more social.
16. Read at least a book a month.
17. Watch a little less TV.
18. Get a new cell phone.
19. Consider buying a house and giving up the apartment life.
20. Hit at least a double in softball.
21. Don’t strike out during the softball season.
22. Care about others but always remember to put myself first.
23. Go out of my comfort zone once in a while.
24. Procrastinate a little less.
25. Keep Moving Forward.

The Power of Positivity

For the longest time I was one of those negative types. I never quite realized it until my sister asked me about it because she was getting e-mails & such asking if I was okay.

Well since then I started to make some changes in my life. I'm now in a much better place. Living a life that is pretty much drama free but tending to be a bit on the slow side as a result.

That's an okay side effect though, it's given me some time to take a step back and re-evaluate where my life is going. I've taken up the mantra that one friend posted "Re-Evaluate then Elevate."

The greatest thing that happened recently was going to a wedding in California for my friend & former co-worker Leslie Munro. The 6 hour drive to CA took me out of my comfort zone & took me to a new place I never had been before. I had a great time and met up with some old familiar faces. Sometimes you don't appreciate how great people are until they're gone. I also met some new faces and people I hope to keep in my life due to the fact that they are great, genuine, quality people. Those kind of people are sometimes hard to find in Las Vegas.

Another good thing I have done recently is making my Twitter account public (@shawndyke) & opening up my true personality to the world. I came to the decision that Twitter could be used to bring a little more positivity to the world. As a result I've reconnected with some old co-workers, made new random friends & even helped out a celebrity (Maria Menounos) stuck in Munich, Germany with an 8 hour layover.



It's an amazing forum and if used the right way can be a very powerful influence on people's lives. I know I personally love reading about what people are doing & commenting on it as well as encouraging people to realize they're true potential. I've also found inspiration from reading the tweets of others. One of my most recent inspirations was when I was having a "direct message" conversation with one of my former co-workers. In that online conversation we spoke more than we had in her entire time in Las Vegas. It's just amazing how online social networking can bring together people who would never meet in real life or people who had met and would just drift apart over time.

Today marks the first day of November and I have big plans for this month. There may not be a lot to write about as in going out partying & making a ton of memories. But this month is going to be remembered as a time when I push myself to the next level.

I have this natural talent for seeing the potential in others and for the longest time I knew that I had the potential to be someone better than I currently am. Now this month I'm going to do everything I can to tap into more of this potential and prove to the world that I'm not just talking the talk....I'll be walking the walk.

Big things are in the works for December. I'm hoping to debut a new & improved me. I'm coming out of my shell and going to take myself from being completely behind the scenes to quite possibly becoming a scene stealer!

Powering Through...and the Inspiration of Friends

As I continue my little self evolution I've come to realize that last week I had a weekend where I probably came close to rock bottom for a little while there.

The thing that had started was all that previous week I had been working out after work, I had kept on seeing results of losing a little bit here & there. Well then on Saturday morning I got on the scale & saw that I had regained it all somehow. Now I've watched on Biggest Loser & have seen that sometimes your body will do that where for whatever reason it will just retain some weight.

Well instead of thinking about that & staying positive I just took the weekend & treated myself like crap. The coup de grace was mixing a combo of 3 Monster Drinks & probably about a half or more of a bottle of Grey Goose Vodka. It was fun for awhile but then after all was said & done I realized that I had just made myself self destruct once more.

So as I started this past Monday I made the decision until the day of October 15th rolls around I'm no longer drinking alcohol, energy drinks or Starbucks. The reason for this is that alcohol never really solves any problem but only goes to create more for me. I usually only drink while being a social creature but even then drinking like a crazy person usually leads me to eat a bunch of garbage that I don't really need. As for the energy drinks & Starbucks, it came down to the calories... I can't justify putting 200-400 calories in my body on a daily basis unneccesarily. It's really counter productive.

So this whole week I've been free of all 3 for the first time in I don't know how long. I've managed to take off about 4 pounds & I'm making progress at the gym so that's all that matters to me right now.

The other thing I'm going to start working on is trying to be a much more positive person... I've watched enough TV lately & I started to realize that people that are negative really annoy me & I will change the channel and try to keep them out of my life. Just like I had to end one "friendship" in the past week. I had to explain to the person that she's a great person but just not great for me. Reason being every time I talked to her she was complaining about something, whether it was work, her husband, her family or her general life situation. Now I understand that we all have our points in life when we are down, trust me I know I've written more than my fair share of those things but at some point you have to say enough is enough & find the positive in your life.

So as I've said before I'm inspired by my friends... One of my friends has a b/f that's currently deployed to Afghanistan for a year. But every time I talk to her & every time I see her she's a very out going & up beat person. Yeah every once in a while she has moments when she misses him but I think that's only to be expected.

Another friend was put on a shift where she never saw her husband but after a discussion about how they could make it work she seems to be happy now or at least doing her best to make it work.

One of my other friends always comes to work and he's extremely positive & in fact his whole family is positive. They have to be 3 of the greatest people I have ever met and each one individually is special enough to light up a room. I love it though when you get all 3 of them together because they blow the roof off a place.

One of my friends moved from Vegas to Florida & is now headed off to my hometown of Great Falls, Montana. She told me about the fact that at one point she didn't treat herself well but now she's moving on with her life & taking it in a new positive direction and I couldn't be happier for her.

Another friend, well I call her a friend, technically I'm just a follower of hers on Twitter but she's a friend of a friend and as they say, any friend of yours is a friend of mine! She had a really rough week but in the end she spent time with some of her great friends & she's bounced back perfectly fine.

That's what we all need to do. Just surround ourselves with the best people, people that are positive and want to see us succeed just as much as they want themselves to succeed. People that don't use you & abuse you but push you & inspire you. Yet when you feel like you're falling down they're there to grab your hand & lift you back up to where you need to be.

Those were just a few of my great friends stories. I know I probably don't tell them enough how much I appreciate each & everyone of them but I truly do.

Everyone has a story but how many of those stories are mostly positive? My story has had it's ups & downs but I'm working hard to make myself like my great friends who just see the best in everything. That's why I'm always there for all of my friends as much as I can be and the friends of friends on occasion. But even I have to have my limits & know that I can't help everyone, some people just need to figure things out for themselves. You can point them in the right direction but it's their choice if they want to go that way.

Negativity is like an anchor, either you need to just pull it up and start your ship moving on a new adventure or you can continue to let it drag you down and hold you back.

Well I say "Anchors aweigh!" This adventure, this chapter of my life has just begun. I'm excited for what the future will bring even though I'm not quite sure what that will be!

Self Ultimatum: Put Up or Shut Up

This is my blog update to make it known publically what I've been letting people know privately.

I've thought about it, I've talked about it & I've written about it.... Well now it's time for me to put up or shut up. By the end of this year at the least I will weigh under 200 pounds for the first time since I don't know when. My real goal will be to be between 180 & 190 by the end of the year.

If I'm not below 200 pounds by the end of the year though I might be thinking about it, but I won't be talking about it or writing about it anymore. Eventually a person starts to sound like a broken record repeating the same thing over & over and not doing anything about it.

I've made an ultimatum with myself to get this done by the end of the year. I can only watch myself self destruct for so long.

Since I have made the ultimatum about not talking about it if I fail, I'm going to say that I will not fail. I'm not saying what I normally say, "I don't plan on failing" or "I'm going to do my best to not fail." I'm saying I won't fail. I know I can do this & I know with perseverence I can do it.

I just got done with my first post work workout & this is only the first of many more to come. I know what has caused me to fail in the past & I will not let those things be an excuse for me failing again.

Anyways this is a brief blog but I just wanted everyone to know where I stand right now. I'm not the best of gamblers so take this betting advice with a grain of salt. I'd say put money on me completing the goal because I haven't been this determined to do anything before...

Day 1 of Putting Up or Shutting Up: COMPLETE

Breaking Down & Rebuilding Me

My last blog detailed me getting back on the fitness wagon & taking control back in my life. Well I can safely say that I have missed the wagon.

Things haven't been going the way I planned. This past Thursday at work, I had what I'm calling a mental breakdown. The stresses that have been a part of my life both personally & professionally finally took their toll & I just had all I could take. I honestly came about 30 seconds from vocalizing the thought that was in my head which was simply... "I quit..."

Thankfully those words weren't ever stated and nothing of the sort like that happened. Some people noticed on Thursday & Friday that I wasn't doing so well, some others either didn't notice or didn't care.

Life lately is being put in perspective for me. Some of the problems I have been having, have the simplest solutions yet I can't seem to follow through with it right now. I know what my problem is, my problem is this... I'm a people pleaser, I'd rather not start an argument because I'm probably the least confrontational person in the world. I care more about others feelings then I do about my own. I'd rather not start a fight because I'd rather people just be happy and not think badly of me.

I keep a lot of things bottled up, I'd rather not bother anyone about my problems. Then sometimes I address my problems with everyone except for the person I should truly address with the problem. For the past 31 years, I've been pretty good about solving my own problems... I'm in the process now of solving my own problems once more...

I'm taking this weekend, just relaxing at my apartment and reminding myself of who I want to be. This is going to be a process, it won't be solved in one night, one weekend or even probably a week. It will take a while and I have to realize that, nothing great happens over night.

One day soon I'm going to start chasing the dream again, I'm not 100% sure what that dream is or who it will involve. I just know for now I need to just concentrate on me, my family & having the people in my life that are best for me. Just because you have 184 friends on Facebook doesn't really mean they'll be there for you if you needed them. I honestly would try & be there for everyone of them and expect nothing in return.

That is another one of my problems, my generosity... If I constantly am doubting whether people are true friends or if they're just taking advantage of my generous nature then I need to just learn it's time to say no, good bye, hope you have a great life.

A line that keeps going through my head lately is Dr Phil's famous quote of: "How's that working for you?"

Well there have definitely been some things in my life that haven't really been working for me, yet I continue to allow them to keep happening. Confrontation is a part of life & I can't continue to avoid it because bottling it all up for too long eventually leads to it exploding and destroying everything I worked so hard to build.

I will rebuild me, I will make me stronger... That that doesn't kill me will only make me stronger... Change is a part of my life & I need to really make a change in my life. I've talked the talk, now it's up to me & only me to walk the walk.

30 Days, 30 Nights

There's only so long that you can live on the glory of past accomplishments. Last year at this time I was on a journey to lose some major weight. I was able to drop about 40 pounds.

Since then I fell back on to old habits and gained some of the weight back. About 10-15 pounds I put back on over the course of the year. The funny thing was this past week some co-workers commented to me about how much weight I had lost.

It was funny in that I hadn't had anyone comment on that in awhile... The last time was when I saw my family again and they definitely noticed a big change in me. I definitely haven't felt like I did anything to lose weight in a long time though.

Well the time has come to again put up or shut up. I can't keep on living on the past glory, it's time to get back to completing that goal I started a year & a half ago.

The goal is simple to drop the rest of the weight I had been meaning to drop but I'm going to set the time frame to only 30 days.

In 30 days, my friends/co-workers Matt & Eddie are having their yearly birthday party. Last year I remember it being a special time since a lot of people noticed that I had made a big change in my life. I currently weigh about the same amount as I did last year for the birthday party last year.

So for the next 30 days I will be giving up the party life, unless it's for a legitimate reason like a best friends birthday. I'm going to layoff the sweets and the junk food and begin once again to truly realize my potential.

I write this blog so that I can be held accountable. This has been a goal that I have wanted to accomplish for a long time and it's time I put in the work to finish it. My friends watched me start this journey last year & this year I'm going to do everything in my power to complete it.

The journey won't be easy to complete but it is a necessary journey to complete...

Starting tomorrow night after work my journey begins again.... 30 days to go....

Remembering Grandpa...

On Monday morning I received a phone call from my father letting me know that my grandpa, Stan Connors, up in Kalispell, Montana had passed away. This still came as a bit of a shock despite the fact that I had been pre-warned that the doctors said they didn’t think he had much time left. My grandfather had been dealing with a lot of health issues, the main was dementia. Then about a week to two weeks ago he had an accident and fell and broke his hip. It was at that point that the doctors decided that surgery was not an option since the rehab would be nearly impossible and that they expected that he didn’t have much time left…

I will always remember my grandfather for the family vacations that we went up to Kalispell and stayed with him and grandma up in Kalispell. We made the trip so often that I’m pretty sure I could still drive up there and make the way to where the old house used to be. Grandpa was the man that introduced me to baseball, to Cubs Baseball, we used to watch the games on his TV every summer. During some of the games Grandpa would close his eyes while listening to the game. Sometimes as I was a little one I was tricked in that Grandpa wasn’t sleeping but still listening to the game! I learned a lot about baseball and a lot about life while visiting my grandparents.

I remember one of the highlights in my youth was when I stayed up there one summer I was allowed to drive the riding lawn mower. I being the kid I was drove it like a race car speeding around the front yard and not doing a very good job of mowing the lawn. I also know I ate a lot of ice cream that summer, funny now that I barely eat any ice cream maybe I just really over did it that much up there!

I will always remember my grandfather for the great man that he was. I’m happy that I didn’t see him during his later years while the dementia and everything was setting in. It makes it easier for me to just remember him the way he was and for the way in my heart he will always be.

Grandpa you will be missed, but now you can watch all of the Cubs games from up in heaven, maybe this might actually be the year…

Last Day Being 30!

So it just hit me moments ago that today was the last day that I will be 30 years old. In approximately 10 1/2 hours I will be the big 31.

This has been an amazing year for me, looking back quickly it started on an uncomfortable note as I had thought I was going to have the biggest gathering ever at the VooDoo Lounge as I turned the big 30. Things didn't go exactly as I planned and it was probably for the best because it set about major changes in my life.

I learned that there are only a select few that you can truly depend on in life. The one person that you can only predict and depend on is yourself. You can't wait for anyone else to make you in to a better person so you have to do that for yourself.

So about 3 months later I got the news that my friend Nicole wanted me to be in her wedding. Knowing that her husband was in my mind a toothpick and I figured I didn't want to be the biggest groomsman I started on this plan to lose 30 pounds in 100 days. In the end I failed at losing all the weight but it was the start of something great.

9 months later, I am now 40 pounds lighter than when I started out in 2009. I still have about 25 more pounds I would love to lose and lately I have fallen off the wagon a bit. I plan on starting again on the day I turn 31.

My professional life has seen the best of times and the worst of times. I have enjoyed great success as the Evening Supervisor at KVBC-TV. Unfortunately due to a very tough and turbulent economy the worst of times has meant watching a lot of great friends leave and move on to other things. This past week was probably one of the worst ones that I have ever experienced in my professional life. Watching as layoffs have taken some of the best people out of their positions and sent them to the unemployment line has been extremely difficult. I always do firmly believe that people will move on to bigger and better things though.

As for me I have become a lot more positive of a person. It is funny because occasionally this year people have referred to me as being an inspiration to them. I used to always go and seek out inspiration from others but in the end I found that I could truly inspire myself.

I will always remember one person in high school referring to me as having a big heart and to never change that about me. I have learned this year to let that big heart out a little bit more and to show it off whenever I get the chance.

As a result I have met someone who in the past month has changed a lot of my previously held opinions on the world. She has opened my eyes and opened up my heart and now I'm just dreaming big about the future. Amazing how for so long I thought I was going to be the bachelor for life and now I'm seeing that there might be potential to change that theory about myself.

A lot of things have changed for me in my 30th year of existance on this Earth... I am curious about what the end of my 31st will be like but as of right now as I start my 31st year living I believe I'm finally starting to do that.... Live!

My goals for my 31st year will be the following:
1) Drop the rest of the weight and finally discover what I look like with a 6 pack.
2) Keep the heart open to new and exciting things and don't let the negativity consume me like it has others.
3) Continue to make progress with my career, develop new working relationships and strive to make everyone I work with the best they can be.
4) Be better about being in touch with friends and work hard at continuing to inspire them to strive for their full potential.
5) Be as happy at the end of my 31st as I am right now at the end of my 30th.

Sipping on the Hater-ade

It is simply amazing to me how many people in this world just seem to be completely consumed by hatred. It's one thing to hate someone if they have completely wronged you and did something that is completely unforgiveable. It is a completely different thing when people are just jealous, envious, petty, narcisistic or extremely childish.

I consider myself a person that is fairly likeable and generally easy to get along with. I'm a very generous person when it comes to giving what I have whether it be financial, physical or mental. Even though I have these qualities I still find myself the victims of the haters.

There was a time when it would actually bother me but I have had to learn that no matter who you are you will have someone that hates you. No matter what you do you can't please everyone.

So just to give some of the haters some love I figured I should write about a couple of my favorites in no particular order...

Former co-workers... My friend Sarah went to work in my home city and at one point she happened to run across some production types from my old station. She mentioned to them that I used to work there and the mention of my name wasn't well received. When she told me that, I was honestly shocked but in the end quite entertained. When I left I think I was the last of a string of great directors that worked at the station. I can't say I know all of the previous ones but one was definitely James Rafferty, he changed a lot of things at KRTV and made the newscasts a lot better looking then they had been previously. Next up was the person who I will always consider the best there is, the best there was, the best there ever will be when it comes to directing my sister--Angela (Dyke) Berrett. She taught me so much at my first job and taught me about having a passion for the job. If it weren't for my sister then I would never have started working in TV. Finally I was the last... When my sister left I took on a lot of responsibilities at the station. For my newscasts, I would build graphics, edit, pre-produce, type CG's, run audio, switch, operate a still store, operate a DVE or two as well as direct. I also was in charge of the website, handled scheduling, helped train new reporters/anchors and the list probably could still go on... The reason that there are people that hate me is because towards the end of my run I wanted to pass on what I knew to anyone willing to learn. Well I found that there was only one person that wanted to learn so I taught him what I could. There was a lot to do and I think when I left they wanted to hold him to the same standard that I had attained when I left. Well things didn't work out well for this man and he went back to his old TV station and chose to be a master control operator instead of a director. So I have to assume that the next poor souls who came up the line really had pressure on them and when they didn't even know half of what I knew because they didn't choose to learn, there world came crumbling down on them. I'm sure when you hear enough times "James Rafferty did this...." "Angela Berrett did this...." "Shawn Dyke did this..." It gets to the point where you start to hate the names simply being mentioned.

The thing that made me happy was even after all the hating, I went into the station to visit some of my former co-workers, there were only a few there but when I stopped in the new News Director who I had never met stopped me and said, "You must be Shawn Dyke." I was shocked that he would actually know my name and he said that he had heard great things about me. I didn't bother to visit my old co-workers in News Production but I realized at that time that I had attained the status that I never thought could be attained when I worked there. I had become a legend of KRTV just like James Rafferty and my sister.

Legends are loved by some and hated by others... History is written by the victorious and knowing that I had become remembered as a great one back there meant that I was indeed victorious. If only they had a shirt that said "KRTV Legend, I came, I directed, I conquered and I moved on...."

Former friend hater.... I still have a strong part of me that doesn't want to make people mad but I had to learn that some people no matter what you do just are going to hate you. One of the current haters is a former great friend. When I first met him I was very similar to him, both of us were quiet and we were more than content just to follow the leader. We both had similar body types and there was no free party that wasn't a good party. Then this year I started making some changes in my life. I started to grow up and realize that in order to be a happy person I had to start putting the work in and not just waiting for something/someone special to fall into my lap. I started to become my own person and when I noticed my friend being left behind I tried to help motivate him to get on my band wagon and move his life forward. Instead he decided that he did not want to change and would rather do things in life that I felt would just make me into a miserable person. I moved on, he stayed behind... He said some harsh words to say to me and I just left it at that... I figure when someone has that much hate for a person just let them be... They've turned to the darkside, it's best that you leave them be rather than being sucked down with them...

Current hater number two, one of my current co-workers... I won't say much about this one because it is after all about a current co-worker. Needless to say I don't know what I did to make this person so mad besides sticking up for my production staff and also sticking up for my friends that I felt this person was taking advantage of. Being a generous person as I previously mentioned, I recognize perhaps a lot easier when one of my very generous friends is being taken advantage of. Anyways this person does not speak to me and makes it a point to speak to everyone around me rather than even acknowledging my presence. I did my best to make small talk and heal the rift between us but to no avail. Now I just will let it be, I'm not putting in any more effort. Sometimes when there are problems with people you work with you just have to come in and do the job, act professionally and go home. If you asked me how I honestly felt about this person I would say I really have nothing against the person, I just won't open myself up for more negativity from them.

Those are just a couple of examples of the haters in my world.... I'm sure there are others. The funny thing is there are so few people that hate me that I wonder why I even spend any of my time thinking about them... I think at most there might be 5-10 people that hate me.

Now looking at just my friends on Facebook there are about 160 of them and I have a lot of friends that aren't on Facebook. So in the end the haters represent less than 5% of the people I know in life.... Yet another reason not to give them that much thought.

I feel that I'm a good friend, I believe that I always do my best to cheer people up, offer words of wisdom to them, and be there whenever a friend needs me. There are a lot of great people in my life and to all the haters out there this was your 10 minutes of fame in my life.

I choose to dedicate my time and my life to being the great person I have always endeavored to be. I will continue to live my life by a higher standard, and I know that I don't have time to dwell on the negativity.... After all is said and done I want my life to be summed up by a couple of phrases, one of which should be... "Liked by some, hated by few, loved by most, respected by all...."

....Haters of the world, how do you want to be remembered? As a childish, immature, jealous, envious, petty, narcisistic person.... or will you find a way to re-deem yourself and grow up a little bit?

Vegas: It Will Make You Or Break You

Back by popular demand, or just the request of one person is my blog... Trust me I have had a lot to write about but just haven't taken the time to sit down and do.

I have been wanting to write about this topic for quite some time now... I've been here in Las Vegas for almost 4 years now. In that time I have seen a lot of people come and go, a lot of people have come here with great expectations only to be chewed up and spit out by Sin City. Yes, Las Vegas has it's share of success stories, high rollers and people who have lived out their dreams here...but for each of those there are even more people who are barely getting by, living pay check to pay check and have watched their dreams crumble right before their very own eyes.

For me I see Las Vegas as a beautiful skyline, great weather and if you look very hard and keep searching eventually you can find some really great people. This is a very tough town to meet people though. A lot of women come in looking for sugar daddies, to have everything bought and paid for them and for them to always be treated like celebrities who can party all week long and not have to worry about paying for any of it. For a lot of guys they are just looking for a one night hookup, moving through women like a kid mows through candy at a candy store.

Each of these kind of men & women are what makes Las Vegas bad... It seems like every nice girl I have met has had a bad experience with a previously mentioned "hit it and then split it" guy and every nice guy has had an experience with a girl that "ain't nothing but a gold digger"... I would refer to this as the darkside of Las Vegas and it seems like most of the good people that come to Vegas either get turned to the darkside or they just can't take it anymore and finally leave. There are also some that just lose their faith that there are nice people to be found in Las Vegas and just become people that live their life on auto pilot just trying to get by and hope that eventually something will come into their life and change it all.

I have recently discovered a really great girl in one of the last places I would ever go looking for a serious relationship. She works in the club/nightlife scene here in Las Vegas and it's amazing how much you can learn about the city you live in through someone elses eyes. I never realized how shunned you can be by identifying yourself as a local here in Las Vegas. The reason being because locals tend to be the biggest cheap asses who don't treat the servers well and come in with a certain disillusionment about the world. Tourists are actually looked upon more favorably in some situations due to them throwing money around just to have a one weekend experience that they can remember for a lifetime.

Anyways about the girl, I truly believe this girl is a diamond in the rough in this city... From what I can tell she has been chewed a bit by the city and by life but still she perseveres. As one friend wrote recently on Twitter: "I do not think there is any other quality so essential to success of any kind as the quality of perseverence." My girl, as I call her, has definitely persevered... She keeps a sense of class and elegance about her while still being a down to earth girl...she puts herself last a lot of times thinking mainly about everyone else and looking out for her friends and her family before worrying about herself. She truly strikes me as a person that is just like me and someone I hope to get to know even better as the days and weeks progress. I also believe she might be the most special person I have ever met.

I have not quite figured out if Las Vegas has made me or broke me yet... I just know that I have a great job, I have great friends, I have had great experiences and I have lost about 40 pounds so far in this city. I see the potential for great success in this city by me just remembering where I came from and what brought me to this place in my life.

That is the secret to my success, remembering where you came from, who you truly are and what you want your life to be. Do not ever lose track of those things or you will lose yourself in the Las Vegas life.

Another secret that will work for anyone is always make sure you only surround yourself with people that are good for you. I think of my friends as like an onion, the outer layers could be peeled an discarded and are no big deal. At the heart of the onion is me and my closest friends. On the far outside are the acquaintances/people that don't mean that much to me. A little further in are the people that I talk to on occasion but it doesn't count for much. Further in more you start to find the people that I care about and respect. As you get closer to the center you find the people that are always in my thoughts and prayers. The ring right outside of the center are the people that inspire me, motivate me and make the person that I am. They define me and I would do anything I possibly could to help them out when they need it. They are the people that I trust and I hope will always trust in me.

For me I let people in fairly close to the center easily when I first meet them... I want people to know who I really am at heart and not a fake person... What they choose to do with that status in my life is completely up to them. I have just definitely learned that when relationships turn toxic you definitely need to figure out if this friendship/relationship is worth saving or if it's just time for you to kick them out of your life and move on. I have always been a person that wants everyone to like me but recently I have had to learn that you need to just let people move on and figure out for themselves who they are.

This blog and my life is dedicated to the people at the center of my world, my best friends and the people that mean the most to me.... Just in case they don't know who they are here is a short list of those I hold closest to me not including family... Michael, Jeff, Kendra, Chi, Nicole, Casey, Courtney, Sarah, Dawn, Kristine, Megan, Rebecca, Sobeyda, Cindy, and Carrie. Thank you to the above mentioned people for being a part of my life and helping me to be the person that I am today. It is all of your combined greatness that inspires me and motivates me everyday to be the best. I am who I am because of the people that I have met in my life and I will always hold each and every one of you close to my heart....

This is why I think my life will be a success here in Las Vegas but it won't make me or break me because I will always have the memories and the friendship of the above mentioned people in my heart....

I can never thank you all enough!

Finding Success in the Face of Failure

Today I’ve done something I never have done before. Today I let failure get the best of me. During our second softball game of the day and my only at bat in that game, I walked out feeling like a complete failure. I only could think about badly I have batted this season, how terrible my average was, how I was the weakest player on the team and how I had failed the team so much this season.

The worst part about all of this now looking back is the fact that I wouldn’t even accept the consolation from the players on my team for putting in the effort. I told the coach I was done, packed up my stuff and left without saying goodbye. The game wasn’t even over and I left.

I am very disappointed in myself. I let athletic failure take away from enjoyment of a sport that I have become so passionate about.

I now have to seek redemption in new areas. I know I’m not the best athlete on the team, in fact I’m probably the worst. I might be one of the most passionate people playing the game but that passion just isn’t enough.

This year I have not been playing my best softball, whether it’s just bad luck, lack of playing skill, a hitch in my swing or whatever… The one thing I will accept is that this year I’m in a transition period and I think part of my problem with me playing softball right now is that transition period.

I am doing something that I don’t think anyone on my softball team has ever done. I’m at the start of a transformation of going from a self described fat bastard to a person that can look himself in the mirror and be proud of himself and be in the best physical fitness he has ever been in ever.

The start of this journey started when I stepped on a scale and the display popped up 249.0...

I knew that I could not let that number roll over to 250, I was killing myself and I was on the brink of having some major health problems. The journey is now about 5 ½ months through and I’m down to 233 pounds. I’m hoping to get down to 200 or less pounds by the time I go home to visit my family at Christmas.

I believe that I can fully accomplish this goal. I also believe that I’m getting ready to make some serious headway at this life long goal of mine. I have never been an athletic person, I’ve always been the chubby kid. The one that found his comfort in food and being lazy and spending a lifetime on a couch watching TV. This year that changes…..

Having said this, I think that part of my frustration today on the softball fields came from the fact that I have been knocking off pounds here and there the past 2 weeks and I thought “oh wait till this weekend, I’m going to be stronger, faster and more athletic and I’m going to be so much better….” Well then in the first game: I grounded out and then I hit into a double play before I told our coach to pull me. The next game I struck out swinging. The most embarrassing moment of my softball playing days.

I think I had built myself up so much and when I failed to accomplish my playing goals all that frustration that I have been playing with all season long came to a head and I called it quits.

I don’t like thinking of myself as a quitter, in fact I’m quite ashamed. I feel embarrassed that I will have to face my teammates at work tomorrow and possibly have to explain my actions.

In the end though I have to look inward and dig deeper into myself. I have developed a new philosophy recently that the only person you can ever truly count on is yourself, everyone else will fail you at some point in your life. The truth is even sometimes you will fail yourself. You won’t be mentally all there or your physical ability just isn’t enough on any given day.

Well today I failed myself, physically I wasn’t strong enough or fast enough to beat out the groundballs and mentally I didn’t see the ball well enough to hit it and I just thought about average and proving myself as a success….

All I proved was today, I gave up too easily and I accepted failure too quickly…

Then I realized as the day progressed that failure is a part of success. If you don’t know what it’s like to be a failure then you never know what it feels like to truly succeed. As a fat person who has never been very good at athletics I know what it’s like to be a failure, by the end of this year I plan on finally being the best athlete I have ever been and finally getting to truly feel like I am a success. By the end of this year there will be a new and improved Shawn and this day will be a stepping stone on my own personal path of success.

The Miss California Schnaniganz

Is it just me or have we heard enough about Miss California and her answer to that crazy question from the Miss USA pageant?

She is becoming the face, a very attractive face of a very ugly debate. That is whether or not same sex couples should have the right to be married or not.

Me personally I don't see an issue with it. The fact is if the shoe was on the other foot and being same sex couples were socially acceptable and being mixed sex couples was the socially unacceptable how would all of the heterosexual people feel about not being allowed to marry. It doesn't matter what you believe, it doesn't matter what you feel is natural.

What matter is what is right... It doesn't hurt anything if they marry. If we can get past mixed race relations then we should be able to get past same sex couples. Remember there were people that didn't believe that different races were natural, the majority at the time thought that people should marry within their own race.

Now as a people we have learned that diversity is what makes us so great. I say let everyone marry whoever they want to. Just because the majority has currently made the laws doesn't mean that the majority is always right.

Let people live their life the way they want to, as long as they are not hurting others. Just because you vote to legalize same sex marriage doesn't mean you have to participate in a same sex marriage.... You can still stick your nose up and act like it doesn't exist. At least you know some where in that heart of yours that you are allowing someone to live their life and be happy.

Isn't that what you would wish for if the roles were reversed?

My Rant: Anchors/Reporters & the idiots who take shots at them...

Tonight is one of those nights when I feel like I need to go on a little bit of my infamous rants...

My rant this time as the title says is about the public's need to comment on anchors and reporters and generally it's to say not so flattering things about them.

Now while I respect anyone's right to say whatever is on their mind, I do believe that people should think before they speak. This includes that people should think before they write... Words are very powerful and if thrown around callously, they can be very destructive.

One of the people that has been receiving a lot of comments lately is one of my co-workers Alicia Jacobs. For those of you who do not know Alicia is a former Miss Nevada USA and Miss United States. She is also the entertainment reporter and KVBC.

Recently while out shooting interviews she came across Holly Madison of Girls Next Door fame. Well I don't know the real story because I wasn't there. But by the sounds of it Holly made a comment about Alicia's attire... Alicia at some point made a comment on her twitter that she felt it wasn't very nice. She also stated that Holly Madison was not a good interview.

Well now this has blown up into a local so called "Cat-Fight".... Well this has lead people to make their comments about the situation either positive or negative. Alicia does have her supporters and I will honestly say that I am one of them.

Alicia has always been a very nice person to me. She has a great ability to socialize with anyone and make you feel extremely comfortable. She is very intelligent so I will trust her when she says someone is not a great interview. I have seen these types of interviews before, the ones when asked an intricate question or even a simple one respond with a one word answer. It's similar to if you are on a date with someone and you can't get more than a one word response from them. It is extremely painful and boring.

So if Alicia says she was a bad interview, and having been a person that has occasionally come across Girls Next Door I will definitely say those girls aren't playing with a full deck of cards. Also for the record since Alicia was formerly a pageant contestant she's dealt with a lot worse than this Holly Madison girl can even think about dishing out. Cut your losses Holly, go back to the old men... They are the only ones that find you charming.

Moving on....

Norm's column (Norm! Vegas Confidential) recently featured some news about the station I work for about our Noon show going to a half an hour program. Well some people took this as an opportunity to take shots at some of my co-workers/friends...

First off they are taking shots at our News Director Deborah Clayton. While I can say I don't work underneath the News Director I will say that she has just started her position. She has not been a News Director before and there is no training manual for how to be a good News Director. Just like I know there is no training manual on how to be a good Production Manager, which I basically was at one point in my career. With these jobs you have to learn on the fly. You have to learn from mistakes and strive to correct them and make sure they don't happen again. There was no person that took her under their wing and said "let me teach you a thing or two about being a News Director"....at least to my knowledge there wasn't because I didn't see it. For me I was fortunate, my former boss Tom Crist used to share knowledge with me from time to time and I'm a better person for it. All I can say is you can't judge a person when they are just starting a position....being a manager is not something that you instantly get over a month, a couple of months, or even a year. It is a position that you learn from everyday and you grow with the position as your employees under you grow with you.

Next up they take shots at our anchors... Dana & Kim Wagner, Sue Manteris and Jim Snyder. They say the anchors are boring or they don't like them. Well you know it's one thing to say they're boring but it's another thing to say they don't know what they're talking about. Guess what no one can say that. Their job is to present the NEWS to you....it's not to ENTERTAIN! If they do entertain you it's because they're going the extra mile to do that. Just like your job is probably to flip the burger, or take the french fries out of the friar... It's not to feed the food to the people. If you are going to be an idiot and feel the need to comment on the way our anchors look or the fact that they don't entertain you, then do us all a favor and change the channel to VH1 and watch Rock of Love Bus or maybe put it on E! and watch the Kardashians or Girls Next Door.... Those shows are more your speed.

Now finally one last person people just absolutely feel the need to comment on is Tiffany DeLeon our newest reporter. People have just felt the need to comment on everything and anything about her and that really is a shame. This is someone who has basically just started out in the business and she's learning her job the hard by actually doing it in front of a Top 50 market audience. I am someone who started out in a small market so at least our small town was more receptive of new people starting out and understanding that they all start out rough but eventually they develop into something very special. Right now Tiffany is just starting out and she is extremely gifted and has a lot of potential. That's why she was hired... There might have been other people with more experience but sometimes you have to look at the person that actually wants to be there the most and the person who wants to succeed. She is that kind of person and you give her a year or two and she most likely will be one of the best reporters there is. She is a better person than I am because she actually tolerates all of those idiots who make idiotic comments and judge her off of only a month or two of full-time reporting. It's too bad they will never know how absolutely nice she is and how approachable she is as well. She is one of those people who will talk to anyone and it's an honor and a pleasure to be able to call her a friend.

Now to all these people judging my co-workers and friends I can understand that you are probably just jealous of them and the fact that they are actually attractive enough to be on TV. I'm sure if you had the testicular fortitude you would go out on the street with someone video taping you and see if you can handle it when people come up to you and say how much they think you suck. Of course since you are such cool people then I'm sure you would have no problem telling us where you work so that we can all come in and stop by and tell you what we think about your job performance. Especially when we ordered the burger without cheese and you still managed to fail to get that through your neanderthal brain.

So the next time that you feel the need to make comments about the way someone on TV looks or their reporting skills, maybe you should send us a picture, an e-mail address and let us know where you work. That way we can come and insult the way you look, the fact that you do your job substandard to us and we can just tear into you like a shark into its prey. At least if you had the guts to do that then we would at least respect your opinions and not just take you for a complete moron who doesn't understand us unless we speak monosyllabically to you.

Of course that's just my opinion and this has been my rant.....

The Week that is to be....

Tonight is one of my reflective nights. I am moving in a new direction from the one that I have traveled most of my life. That is a good thing. While I realize that there are always going to be some core elements of myself I can never change, nor would I want to. There are definitely somethings that I have the power to change. So tonight I was just reflecting in my mind on the things that have been said or the people that have come into my life that have stayed with me and moved my life into the direction it has....

They say that words are more powerful than actions...

Some of the words have stuck with me for a lifetime, some of the words that I once deemed hurtful I have now turned into motivational ones....

"Look at Shawn he's starting to get quite a gut"
"Uncle Shawn, you've got a fat belly!"
"It doesn't matter what you eat as long as you work it off."
"You really should do something about that stomach it's not healthy."

Those are some of the lines I think about everytime I go and workout or debate whether I should or not. Of course I have said much more hurtful things to myself than anyone else could. I also am using those poor reflections on myself to finally try and enact change.

I have done something in the past couple of months that I never dreamed I would actually do. That is I have lost weight. This is my own personal success. I have not had any help from a trainer or a dietician or any of that.

I have dug deeper in myself to find a part of me that has been hiding away. It is funny, I thought for the longest time that my body was just a vessel to carry around my soul and my big heart. Then I finally started to realize that only a select few were seeing the greatness of my soul and they definitely weren't seeing how big my heart was because my gut was much bigger!

So I started out with a goal of losing 30 pounds in a 100 days, leading up to the marriage of my co-worker/friend Nicole and her fiance Jacob. Well I will openly admit....I have FAILED.... I will not reach the goal by the time Thursday rolls around.

I had my trials and tribulations with losing the weight... Sometimes it was lack of motivation, sometimes it was procrastination, sometimes it was an injury, sometimes it was illness, sometimes there just wasn't an excuse at all. But through all of this I started to find the time to do it, the reasons to do it...the motivation to do it.

As of this past Friday I had lost 10 pounds. I don't think I have ever lost 10 pounds in my life. I don't know what the final tally will be by Thursday but I'm just hoping to keep the poundage going down. My ultimate goal is to lose all the extra weight by the end of the year... Now if I can actually lose it all earlier that would be really awesome!

I feel better now than I have felt in a long time. I used to heavily depend on others to make me happy. I did not think much of myself and would always notice how great everyone else was and their potential for greatness but never saw those qualities in myself. I am realizing more and more that I can create my own happyness by my own accomplishments. Trust me I still love it when someone else does something nice for me or a moment comes up that will be remembered and treasured forever.

This is the week of the wedding and I will be a groomsmen. I'm just hoping I can represent myself well and give my role the justice it deserves. Thursday is going to be one of those moments that will be remembered and treasured forever.... This will be one of those moments that define a lifetime.... I'm just going to make sure I'm at the best that I can be to truly enjoy every second of it!

Thanks to all who have come into my life..... and for those fortunate enough to still be a part of it just wait you're going to see Shawn finally reach his true potential!

Survivor: The News Industry

After doing a little reflecting tonight I came to the thought that the News Industry at least from what I have experienced of it in my 12 years in the business is really like the reality game called Survivor.

You start off by joining a tv station and there's a pretty good chance that you no nobody there. Sometimes you are lucky and know one person or two but for the most part you don't. You start off your time at your new station trying to get a feel for everyone and figuring out who you should make an alliance with. Sometimes at your station this first alliance that you are in can make you or break you. This alliance might be the one that carries you through for the rest of your time at your station or it might break up leaving you to once again be a person trying to find his place on the island.

In any tv station you have your leaders. They are the ones that dictate the daily events that will take place. You have your hunters, these are the ones that go after that new client or that new story. You have your gatherers, these folks are the ones that try to make sure the station has everything it needs to keep functioning.

Random challenges can act as your reward challenges. If you are successful in completing your task or beating your rivals you receive accolades usually in the form of higher ratings, maybe even awards. Sometimes though if you lose a couple of times too many your own team starts to implode. People start plotting about who to vote off the island. Who's time has come up for their torch to be extinguished.

This is where your alliance is so important. If you made an alliance with the stronger/smarter people then you might just survive the news industry. Sometimes you have to turn on a weaker alliance in order to better your own situation. You suffer the consequences and your old alliance no longer speaks to you, secretly plots against your or just acts as if you are dead to them.

In the end though how you play the game of working in the News Industry is up to you. At the end of the day and the end of your career you have to look yourself in the mirror. Did the decisions you make work out for the best? Are you proud of what you have done? Would you do it all over again?

For me I'm still on the island. I am enjoying my time there and I don't know if I really have Outwitted, Outlasted or Outplayed the competition. In the end even though I have made my fair share of mistakes in the game I have definitely made a lot of great alliances and can look back fondly on all of my time that I have spent in TV so far. Despite the ups and downs I will continue to play the game...

Not every decision I made was for the best. I learned from those times... sometimes it took the mistake happening more than once but eventually I learned. I'm not necessarily proud of what I have done especially early in my career. I have to say though that youth definitely was a factor. With age has come wisdom. As for if I had the chance would I do it all over again? Well if I hadn't done everything that I had done even the bad things who knows if I would have ended up here? So yes there are some things I would have loved to change but overall I'm happy to be where I'm at.

There are some really great people in the TV industry, sometimes you really just have to dig deeper in order to find the really good ones. Sometimes they are diamonds in the rough like myself...it takes a little time and a little work to see us shine.

Sometimes you just have to get people off the island and when they're not playing the game anymore you see that they are really great people. You will always share a bond whether you are still on the island or if you have left and got back to the mainland.... That bond is you were crazy and brave enough to play the game called TV Industry Survivor.... and if you are reading this and you work in TV or worked in TV then you truly are a Survivor. That is something that no one can take away from you!

(Now if this blog truly made no sense to you, then I really do understand and sympathize! There is some hidden comments in here that some might figure out and others might not.... I guess that's why I call the blog "Indirectly to the Point!")

The Next Chapter: Moving On In Las Vegas

About a week ago I put my status on facebook as "Shawn is moving on..." there were some people that asked about this... What did it mean? Am I really leaving? Do I have a new job someplace?

For me the "is moving on" was referencing the song "I'm Movin' On" by Rascal Flatts. One of the verses is "....I've been trapped in the past for too long, I'm Moving On....." another one is "I've lived in this place and I know all the faces...each one is different but they're always the same. They mean me no harm but it's time that I face it. They'll never allow me to change."

As anyone who has followed this blog or my life well knows, I have had my issues. I am the worlds worst gambler, never won anything near what I have lost. I have what doctor's call a little bit of a weight problem. I used to be quite the drinker and the party person but I think about the consequences of losing control and the heavy drinking is no longer appealing. I have loved and lost, sometimes I just would say when it comes to the game of love I'm eternally lost.

It has reached the point in my life where I realize that I'm not the same person that I was even just a year ago. I have goals that I want to achieve and it seems that right now I keep getting dragged back to trying to be the person I once was. It doesn't feel right, it doesn't feel good.

I feel it's time for me to broaden my horizons. To reach out to those that truly know me best and bring those friends closer to me. There are some friends that I need to just keep at a distance for a while...they are great people but just not right for me at this time. I need to change and I feel like with them around I cannot.

I think I'm also developing a new philosophy for my life at this point. "Living for the moments"....

That philosophy is when you are at an event or doing something with the people that matter the most to you and everything just seems to be going right. Things may have had there up and down swings leading up to the moment, but when you have finally reached the "moment". You realize that everything is perfect. I have recently experienced one of those "perfect moments" and I was so ecstatic it was the greatest feeling I have had in a long time.

So I'm going to start working harder to make sure I have more of those moments or at least give myself a chance to have more opportunities at having another one. Nothing can happen when you keep your trueself locked up and hidden away in a nice sized one bedroom apartment. Life is what's happening outside your door and you're missing out on it.

"I'm moving on....at last I can see. Life has been patienting waiting for me. And I know there's no guarantees but I'm not alone. There comes a time in everyone's life. When all you can see are the years passing by. And I have made up my mind that those days are gone."

The Constants of Partying In Vegas

This weekend I started questioning whether I was simply getting too old for this or what was the deal. The thought comes from the fact that I have become quite understanding of several things that seem to happen everytime we go out drinking in Vegas. So I have made a list of them just for the fun of it and I'm also curious if others would agree that these things are typical happenings when going out in Vegas or other drinking establishments of the world.

So here is my list of the constants when going out in Las Vegas.

A. Someone drinks too much and makes some extremely awkward conversation.
B. The group tab is always bad because people always end up stiffing on the tab.
C. Following up with B. some poor sucker such as myself ends up paying more than they should have had to to cover the tab.
D. Vegas clubs are over priced, over crowded and not really that fun.
E. There is always some macho guy with too much testosterone flowing that wants to start a fight.
F. Some dude always gets too grabby with random females.
G. You can never have a conversation with anyone because the music is too loud.
H. You know you're not cool enough when you have never heard the song playing but everyone else knows all the words.
I. The more the drink costs is directly proportional to how much smaller the drink is than a normal out of the way bar.
J. There is always one creepy old guy who seems to be really out of his element in a mostly younger crowd looking to accidently rub up against someone.
K. The person taking all the pictures doesn't realize how annoying the constant picture flashing is to everyone else until they are not the one taking the pictures!
L. At the end of the night your ears will be ringing so loudly that you probably couldn't hear the smoke detector going off if it was.
M. The person that you hoped to avoid will always find a way of showing up to the gathering.
N. When said person shows up there is never any waiting staff around for you to get another drink quickly.
O. You or one of your friends will always have to apologize for another friend by saying they just drank too much they're not normally like this.
P. There is always some random guy in the bathroom who is a little too chummy.
Q. Girls are never back from the bathroom in less than 10 minutes!
R. When you are in that bathroom you notice that the bathroom attendant has made more money in one night handing out towels than you have made in a whole week of normal work.
S. You never realize how little sleep you are going to get until you have to wake up really early the next morning.
T. Texting random people when drunk always seems like a great idea until the next day when you have to apologize for it.
U. Someone always disappears from the group without anyone noticing until an hour later.
W. A bottle of water generally costs more then a domestic bottle of beer.
X. Each time you go out there will always be something that happens that you could have never seen happening in a million years.
Y. Why did I stay out this late is one of the many questions you ask yourself in the morning.
Y. You know it's bad when there's a line to get out of the place.
Z. The next day you look at all of your receipts and your account balance and wonder was this all seriously worth it?

Well that's my A-Z list of the Constants that happen while going out... I'm sure there are more but I figured 26 would be good enough for now. There are definitely some things on the list that I'm guilty of but I'm just starting to think that I have seen these constants one too many times any maybe my going out days are coming to an end...