Vegas: It Will Make You Or Break You

Back by popular demand, or just the request of one person is my blog... Trust me I have had a lot to write about but just haven't taken the time to sit down and do.

I have been wanting to write about this topic for quite some time now... I've been here in Las Vegas for almost 4 years now. In that time I have seen a lot of people come and go, a lot of people have come here with great expectations only to be chewed up and spit out by Sin City. Yes, Las Vegas has it's share of success stories, high rollers and people who have lived out their dreams here...but for each of those there are even more people who are barely getting by, living pay check to pay check and have watched their dreams crumble right before their very own eyes.

For me I see Las Vegas as a beautiful skyline, great weather and if you look very hard and keep searching eventually you can find some really great people. This is a very tough town to meet people though. A lot of women come in looking for sugar daddies, to have everything bought and paid for them and for them to always be treated like celebrities who can party all week long and not have to worry about paying for any of it. For a lot of guys they are just looking for a one night hookup, moving through women like a kid mows through candy at a candy store.

Each of these kind of men & women are what makes Las Vegas bad... It seems like every nice girl I have met has had a bad experience with a previously mentioned "hit it and then split it" guy and every nice guy has had an experience with a girl that "ain't nothing but a gold digger"... I would refer to this as the darkside of Las Vegas and it seems like most of the good people that come to Vegas either get turned to the darkside or they just can't take it anymore and finally leave. There are also some that just lose their faith that there are nice people to be found in Las Vegas and just become people that live their life on auto pilot just trying to get by and hope that eventually something will come into their life and change it all.

I have recently discovered a really great girl in one of the last places I would ever go looking for a serious relationship. She works in the club/nightlife scene here in Las Vegas and it's amazing how much you can learn about the city you live in through someone elses eyes. I never realized how shunned you can be by identifying yourself as a local here in Las Vegas. The reason being because locals tend to be the biggest cheap asses who don't treat the servers well and come in with a certain disillusionment about the world. Tourists are actually looked upon more favorably in some situations due to them throwing money around just to have a one weekend experience that they can remember for a lifetime.

Anyways about the girl, I truly believe this girl is a diamond in the rough in this city... From what I can tell she has been chewed a bit by the city and by life but still she perseveres. As one friend wrote recently on Twitter: "I do not think there is any other quality so essential to success of any kind as the quality of perseverence." My girl, as I call her, has definitely persevered... She keeps a sense of class and elegance about her while still being a down to earth girl...she puts herself last a lot of times thinking mainly about everyone else and looking out for her friends and her family before worrying about herself. She truly strikes me as a person that is just like me and someone I hope to get to know even better as the days and weeks progress. I also believe she might be the most special person I have ever met.

I have not quite figured out if Las Vegas has made me or broke me yet... I just know that I have a great job, I have great friends, I have had great experiences and I have lost about 40 pounds so far in this city. I see the potential for great success in this city by me just remembering where I came from and what brought me to this place in my life.

That is the secret to my success, remembering where you came from, who you truly are and what you want your life to be. Do not ever lose track of those things or you will lose yourself in the Las Vegas life.

Another secret that will work for anyone is always make sure you only surround yourself with people that are good for you. I think of my friends as like an onion, the outer layers could be peeled an discarded and are no big deal. At the heart of the onion is me and my closest friends. On the far outside are the acquaintances/people that don't mean that much to me. A little further in are the people that I talk to on occasion but it doesn't count for much. Further in more you start to find the people that I care about and respect. As you get closer to the center you find the people that are always in my thoughts and prayers. The ring right outside of the center are the people that inspire me, motivate me and make the person that I am. They define me and I would do anything I possibly could to help them out when they need it. They are the people that I trust and I hope will always trust in me.

For me I let people in fairly close to the center easily when I first meet them... I want people to know who I really am at heart and not a fake person... What they choose to do with that status in my life is completely up to them. I have just definitely learned that when relationships turn toxic you definitely need to figure out if this friendship/relationship is worth saving or if it's just time for you to kick them out of your life and move on. I have always been a person that wants everyone to like me but recently I have had to learn that you need to just let people move on and figure out for themselves who they are.

This blog and my life is dedicated to the people at the center of my world, my best friends and the people that mean the most to me.... Just in case they don't know who they are here is a short list of those I hold closest to me not including family... Michael, Jeff, Kendra, Chi, Nicole, Casey, Courtney, Sarah, Dawn, Kristine, Megan, Rebecca, Sobeyda, Cindy, and Carrie. Thank you to the above mentioned people for being a part of my life and helping me to be the person that I am today. It is all of your combined greatness that inspires me and motivates me everyday to be the best. I am who I am because of the people that I have met in my life and I will always hold each and every one of you close to my heart....

This is why I think my life will be a success here in Las Vegas but it won't make me or break me because I will always have the memories and the friendship of the above mentioned people in my heart....

I can never thank you all enough!

Finding Success in the Face of Failure

Today I’ve done something I never have done before. Today I let failure get the best of me. During our second softball game of the day and my only at bat in that game, I walked out feeling like a complete failure. I only could think about badly I have batted this season, how terrible my average was, how I was the weakest player on the team and how I had failed the team so much this season.

The worst part about all of this now looking back is the fact that I wouldn’t even accept the consolation from the players on my team for putting in the effort. I told the coach I was done, packed up my stuff and left without saying goodbye. The game wasn’t even over and I left.

I am very disappointed in myself. I let athletic failure take away from enjoyment of a sport that I have become so passionate about.

I now have to seek redemption in new areas. I know I’m not the best athlete on the team, in fact I’m probably the worst. I might be one of the most passionate people playing the game but that passion just isn’t enough.

This year I have not been playing my best softball, whether it’s just bad luck, lack of playing skill, a hitch in my swing or whatever… The one thing I will accept is that this year I’m in a transition period and I think part of my problem with me playing softball right now is that transition period.

I am doing something that I don’t think anyone on my softball team has ever done. I’m at the start of a transformation of going from a self described fat bastard to a person that can look himself in the mirror and be proud of himself and be in the best physical fitness he has ever been in ever.

The start of this journey started when I stepped on a scale and the display popped up 249.0...

I knew that I could not let that number roll over to 250, I was killing myself and I was on the brink of having some major health problems. The journey is now about 5 ½ months through and I’m down to 233 pounds. I’m hoping to get down to 200 or less pounds by the time I go home to visit my family at Christmas.

I believe that I can fully accomplish this goal. I also believe that I’m getting ready to make some serious headway at this life long goal of mine. I have never been an athletic person, I’ve always been the chubby kid. The one that found his comfort in food and being lazy and spending a lifetime on a couch watching TV. This year that changes…..

Having said this, I think that part of my frustration today on the softball fields came from the fact that I have been knocking off pounds here and there the past 2 weeks and I thought “oh wait till this weekend, I’m going to be stronger, faster and more athletic and I’m going to be so much better….” Well then in the first game: I grounded out and then I hit into a double play before I told our coach to pull me. The next game I struck out swinging. The most embarrassing moment of my softball playing days.

I think I had built myself up so much and when I failed to accomplish my playing goals all that frustration that I have been playing with all season long came to a head and I called it quits.

I don’t like thinking of myself as a quitter, in fact I’m quite ashamed. I feel embarrassed that I will have to face my teammates at work tomorrow and possibly have to explain my actions.

In the end though I have to look inward and dig deeper into myself. I have developed a new philosophy recently that the only person you can ever truly count on is yourself, everyone else will fail you at some point in your life. The truth is even sometimes you will fail yourself. You won’t be mentally all there or your physical ability just isn’t enough on any given day.

Well today I failed myself, physically I wasn’t strong enough or fast enough to beat out the groundballs and mentally I didn’t see the ball well enough to hit it and I just thought about average and proving myself as a success….

All I proved was today, I gave up too easily and I accepted failure too quickly…

Then I realized as the day progressed that failure is a part of success. If you don’t know what it’s like to be a failure then you never know what it feels like to truly succeed. As a fat person who has never been very good at athletics I know what it’s like to be a failure, by the end of this year I plan on finally being the best athlete I have ever been and finally getting to truly feel like I am a success. By the end of this year there will be a new and improved Shawn and this day will be a stepping stone on my own personal path of success.

The Miss California Schnaniganz

Is it just me or have we heard enough about Miss California and her answer to that crazy question from the Miss USA pageant?

She is becoming the face, a very attractive face of a very ugly debate. That is whether or not same sex couples should have the right to be married or not.

Me personally I don't see an issue with it. The fact is if the shoe was on the other foot and being same sex couples were socially acceptable and being mixed sex couples was the socially unacceptable how would all of the heterosexual people feel about not being allowed to marry. It doesn't matter what you believe, it doesn't matter what you feel is natural.

What matter is what is right... It doesn't hurt anything if they marry. If we can get past mixed race relations then we should be able to get past same sex couples. Remember there were people that didn't believe that different races were natural, the majority at the time thought that people should marry within their own race.

Now as a people we have learned that diversity is what makes us so great. I say let everyone marry whoever they want to. Just because the majority has currently made the laws doesn't mean that the majority is always right.

Let people live their life the way they want to, as long as they are not hurting others. Just because you vote to legalize same sex marriage doesn't mean you have to participate in a same sex marriage.... You can still stick your nose up and act like it doesn't exist. At least you know some where in that heart of yours that you are allowing someone to live their life and be happy.

Isn't that what you would wish for if the roles were reversed?

My Rant: Anchors/Reporters & the idiots who take shots at them...

Tonight is one of those nights when I feel like I need to go on a little bit of my infamous rants...

My rant this time as the title says is about the public's need to comment on anchors and reporters and generally it's to say not so flattering things about them.

Now while I respect anyone's right to say whatever is on their mind, I do believe that people should think before they speak. This includes that people should think before they write... Words are very powerful and if thrown around callously, they can be very destructive.

One of the people that has been receiving a lot of comments lately is one of my co-workers Alicia Jacobs. For those of you who do not know Alicia is a former Miss Nevada USA and Miss United States. She is also the entertainment reporter and KVBC.

Recently while out shooting interviews she came across Holly Madison of Girls Next Door fame. Well I don't know the real story because I wasn't there. But by the sounds of it Holly made a comment about Alicia's attire... Alicia at some point made a comment on her twitter that she felt it wasn't very nice. She also stated that Holly Madison was not a good interview.

Well now this has blown up into a local so called "Cat-Fight".... Well this has lead people to make their comments about the situation either positive or negative. Alicia does have her supporters and I will honestly say that I am one of them.

Alicia has always been a very nice person to me. She has a great ability to socialize with anyone and make you feel extremely comfortable. She is very intelligent so I will trust her when she says someone is not a great interview. I have seen these types of interviews before, the ones when asked an intricate question or even a simple one respond with a one word answer. It's similar to if you are on a date with someone and you can't get more than a one word response from them. It is extremely painful and boring.

So if Alicia says she was a bad interview, and having been a person that has occasionally come across Girls Next Door I will definitely say those girls aren't playing with a full deck of cards. Also for the record since Alicia was formerly a pageant contestant she's dealt with a lot worse than this Holly Madison girl can even think about dishing out. Cut your losses Holly, go back to the old men... They are the only ones that find you charming.

Moving on....

Norm's column (Norm! Vegas Confidential) recently featured some news about the station I work for about our Noon show going to a half an hour program. Well some people took this as an opportunity to take shots at some of my co-workers/friends...

First off they are taking shots at our News Director Deborah Clayton. While I can say I don't work underneath the News Director I will say that she has just started her position. She has not been a News Director before and there is no training manual for how to be a good News Director. Just like I know there is no training manual on how to be a good Production Manager, which I basically was at one point in my career. With these jobs you have to learn on the fly. You have to learn from mistakes and strive to correct them and make sure they don't happen again. There was no person that took her under their wing and said "let me teach you a thing or two about being a News Director"....at least to my knowledge there wasn't because I didn't see it. For me I was fortunate, my former boss Tom Crist used to share knowledge with me from time to time and I'm a better person for it. All I can say is you can't judge a person when they are just starting a position....being a manager is not something that you instantly get over a month, a couple of months, or even a year. It is a position that you learn from everyday and you grow with the position as your employees under you grow with you.

Next up they take shots at our anchors... Dana & Kim Wagner, Sue Manteris and Jim Snyder. They say the anchors are boring or they don't like them. Well you know it's one thing to say they're boring but it's another thing to say they don't know what they're talking about. Guess what no one can say that. Their job is to present the NEWS to you....it's not to ENTERTAIN! If they do entertain you it's because they're going the extra mile to do that. Just like your job is probably to flip the burger, or take the french fries out of the friar... It's not to feed the food to the people. If you are going to be an idiot and feel the need to comment on the way our anchors look or the fact that they don't entertain you, then do us all a favor and change the channel to VH1 and watch Rock of Love Bus or maybe put it on E! and watch the Kardashians or Girls Next Door.... Those shows are more your speed.

Now finally one last person people just absolutely feel the need to comment on is Tiffany DeLeon our newest reporter. People have just felt the need to comment on everything and anything about her and that really is a shame. This is someone who has basically just started out in the business and she's learning her job the hard by actually doing it in front of a Top 50 market audience. I am someone who started out in a small market so at least our small town was more receptive of new people starting out and understanding that they all start out rough but eventually they develop into something very special. Right now Tiffany is just starting out and she is extremely gifted and has a lot of potential. That's why she was hired... There might have been other people with more experience but sometimes you have to look at the person that actually wants to be there the most and the person who wants to succeed. She is that kind of person and you give her a year or two and she most likely will be one of the best reporters there is. She is a better person than I am because she actually tolerates all of those idiots who make idiotic comments and judge her off of only a month or two of full-time reporting. It's too bad they will never know how absolutely nice she is and how approachable she is as well. She is one of those people who will talk to anyone and it's an honor and a pleasure to be able to call her a friend.

Now to all these people judging my co-workers and friends I can understand that you are probably just jealous of them and the fact that they are actually attractive enough to be on TV. I'm sure if you had the testicular fortitude you would go out on the street with someone video taping you and see if you can handle it when people come up to you and say how much they think you suck. Of course since you are such cool people then I'm sure you would have no problem telling us where you work so that we can all come in and stop by and tell you what we think about your job performance. Especially when we ordered the burger without cheese and you still managed to fail to get that through your neanderthal brain.

So the next time that you feel the need to make comments about the way someone on TV looks or their reporting skills, maybe you should send us a picture, an e-mail address and let us know where you work. That way we can come and insult the way you look, the fact that you do your job substandard to us and we can just tear into you like a shark into its prey. At least if you had the guts to do that then we would at least respect your opinions and not just take you for a complete moron who doesn't understand us unless we speak monosyllabically to you.

Of course that's just my opinion and this has been my rant.....

The Week that is to be....

Tonight is one of my reflective nights. I am moving in a new direction from the one that I have traveled most of my life. That is a good thing. While I realize that there are always going to be some core elements of myself I can never change, nor would I want to. There are definitely somethings that I have the power to change. So tonight I was just reflecting in my mind on the things that have been said or the people that have come into my life that have stayed with me and moved my life into the direction it has....

They say that words are more powerful than actions...

Some of the words have stuck with me for a lifetime, some of the words that I once deemed hurtful I have now turned into motivational ones....

"Look at Shawn he's starting to get quite a gut"
"Uncle Shawn, you've got a fat belly!"
"It doesn't matter what you eat as long as you work it off."
"You really should do something about that stomach it's not healthy."

Those are some of the lines I think about everytime I go and workout or debate whether I should or not. Of course I have said much more hurtful things to myself than anyone else could. I also am using those poor reflections on myself to finally try and enact change.

I have done something in the past couple of months that I never dreamed I would actually do. That is I have lost weight. This is my own personal success. I have not had any help from a trainer or a dietician or any of that.

I have dug deeper in myself to find a part of me that has been hiding away. It is funny, I thought for the longest time that my body was just a vessel to carry around my soul and my big heart. Then I finally started to realize that only a select few were seeing the greatness of my soul and they definitely weren't seeing how big my heart was because my gut was much bigger!

So I started out with a goal of losing 30 pounds in a 100 days, leading up to the marriage of my co-worker/friend Nicole and her fiance Jacob. Well I will openly admit....I have FAILED.... I will not reach the goal by the time Thursday rolls around.

I had my trials and tribulations with losing the weight... Sometimes it was lack of motivation, sometimes it was procrastination, sometimes it was an injury, sometimes it was illness, sometimes there just wasn't an excuse at all. But through all of this I started to find the time to do it, the reasons to do it...the motivation to do it.

As of this past Friday I had lost 10 pounds. I don't think I have ever lost 10 pounds in my life. I don't know what the final tally will be by Thursday but I'm just hoping to keep the poundage going down. My ultimate goal is to lose all the extra weight by the end of the year... Now if I can actually lose it all earlier that would be really awesome!

I feel better now than I have felt in a long time. I used to heavily depend on others to make me happy. I did not think much of myself and would always notice how great everyone else was and their potential for greatness but never saw those qualities in myself. I am realizing more and more that I can create my own happyness by my own accomplishments. Trust me I still love it when someone else does something nice for me or a moment comes up that will be remembered and treasured forever.

This is the week of the wedding and I will be a groomsmen. I'm just hoping I can represent myself well and give my role the justice it deserves. Thursday is going to be one of those moments that will be remembered and treasured forever.... This will be one of those moments that define a lifetime.... I'm just going to make sure I'm at the best that I can be to truly enjoy every second of it!

Thanks to all who have come into my life..... and for those fortunate enough to still be a part of it just wait you're going to see Shawn finally reach his true potential!

Survivor: The News Industry

After doing a little reflecting tonight I came to the thought that the News Industry at least from what I have experienced of it in my 12 years in the business is really like the reality game called Survivor.

You start off by joining a tv station and there's a pretty good chance that you no nobody there. Sometimes you are lucky and know one person or two but for the most part you don't. You start off your time at your new station trying to get a feel for everyone and figuring out who you should make an alliance with. Sometimes at your station this first alliance that you are in can make you or break you. This alliance might be the one that carries you through for the rest of your time at your station or it might break up leaving you to once again be a person trying to find his place on the island.

In any tv station you have your leaders. They are the ones that dictate the daily events that will take place. You have your hunters, these are the ones that go after that new client or that new story. You have your gatherers, these folks are the ones that try to make sure the station has everything it needs to keep functioning.

Random challenges can act as your reward challenges. If you are successful in completing your task or beating your rivals you receive accolades usually in the form of higher ratings, maybe even awards. Sometimes though if you lose a couple of times too many your own team starts to implode. People start plotting about who to vote off the island. Who's time has come up for their torch to be extinguished.

This is where your alliance is so important. If you made an alliance with the stronger/smarter people then you might just survive the news industry. Sometimes you have to turn on a weaker alliance in order to better your own situation. You suffer the consequences and your old alliance no longer speaks to you, secretly plots against your or just acts as if you are dead to them.

In the end though how you play the game of working in the News Industry is up to you. At the end of the day and the end of your career you have to look yourself in the mirror. Did the decisions you make work out for the best? Are you proud of what you have done? Would you do it all over again?

For me I'm still on the island. I am enjoying my time there and I don't know if I really have Outwitted, Outlasted or Outplayed the competition. In the end even though I have made my fair share of mistakes in the game I have definitely made a lot of great alliances and can look back fondly on all of my time that I have spent in TV so far. Despite the ups and downs I will continue to play the game...

Not every decision I made was for the best. I learned from those times... sometimes it took the mistake happening more than once but eventually I learned. I'm not necessarily proud of what I have done especially early in my career. I have to say though that youth definitely was a factor. With age has come wisdom. As for if I had the chance would I do it all over again? Well if I hadn't done everything that I had done even the bad things who knows if I would have ended up here? So yes there are some things I would have loved to change but overall I'm happy to be where I'm at.

There are some really great people in the TV industry, sometimes you really just have to dig deeper in order to find the really good ones. Sometimes they are diamonds in the rough like myself...it takes a little time and a little work to see us shine.

Sometimes you just have to get people off the island and when they're not playing the game anymore you see that they are really great people. You will always share a bond whether you are still on the island or if you have left and got back to the mainland.... That bond is you were crazy and brave enough to play the game called TV Industry Survivor.... and if you are reading this and you work in TV or worked in TV then you truly are a Survivor. That is something that no one can take away from you!

(Now if this blog truly made no sense to you, then I really do understand and sympathize! There is some hidden comments in here that some might figure out and others might not.... I guess that's why I call the blog "Indirectly to the Point!")

The Next Chapter: Moving On In Las Vegas

About a week ago I put my status on facebook as "Shawn is moving on..." there were some people that asked about this... What did it mean? Am I really leaving? Do I have a new job someplace?

For me the "is moving on" was referencing the song "I'm Movin' On" by Rascal Flatts. One of the verses is "....I've been trapped in the past for too long, I'm Moving On....." another one is "I've lived in this place and I know all the faces...each one is different but they're always the same. They mean me no harm but it's time that I face it. They'll never allow me to change."

As anyone who has followed this blog or my life well knows, I have had my issues. I am the worlds worst gambler, never won anything near what I have lost. I have what doctor's call a little bit of a weight problem. I used to be quite the drinker and the party person but I think about the consequences of losing control and the heavy drinking is no longer appealing. I have loved and lost, sometimes I just would say when it comes to the game of love I'm eternally lost.

It has reached the point in my life where I realize that I'm not the same person that I was even just a year ago. I have goals that I want to achieve and it seems that right now I keep getting dragged back to trying to be the person I once was. It doesn't feel right, it doesn't feel good.

I feel it's time for me to broaden my horizons. To reach out to those that truly know me best and bring those friends closer to me. There are some friends that I need to just keep at a distance for a while...they are great people but just not right for me at this time. I need to change and I feel like with them around I cannot.

I think I'm also developing a new philosophy for my life at this point. "Living for the moments"....

That philosophy is when you are at an event or doing something with the people that matter the most to you and everything just seems to be going right. Things may have had there up and down swings leading up to the moment, but when you have finally reached the "moment". You realize that everything is perfect. I have recently experienced one of those "perfect moments" and I was so ecstatic it was the greatest feeling I have had in a long time.

So I'm going to start working harder to make sure I have more of those moments or at least give myself a chance to have more opportunities at having another one. Nothing can happen when you keep your trueself locked up and hidden away in a nice sized one bedroom apartment. Life is what's happening outside your door and you're missing out on it.

"I'm moving on....at last I can see. Life has been patienting waiting for me. And I know there's no guarantees but I'm not alone. There comes a time in everyone's life. When all you can see are the years passing by. And I have made up my mind that those days are gone."